Difference between revisions of "Adoption"

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[[Category:Adopted Pages]]
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==History of the act of formal adoption and the law==
 
 
- pre and post 1976.
 
 
Adoption was put on a formal footing in 1926, following the publication of the Adoption of children Act.
 
 
Prior to this adoptions were aranged by adoption sociates and between private individuals. Some societies, one being the Church of England Childrens society
 
 
maintains records of adoptions that they arranged. Boards of guardians also prepared reports but very few remain.
 
 
When the act was drafted it was assumed that the adopted peroson break with the birth family would be total and it was believed that adopted would never
 
 
be able to trace their birth roots.
 
  
 +
==History of The Act of Formal Adoption and The Law==
  
By 1927 Adoptions had to be approved by magistrates meeting at a petty court session where each court maintained a register. The registers contain the
+
=====Before 1976=====
  
Date, name of the child to be adopted, & the date of birth. Also the name and address of the birth mother (and some times the father ) Name and address of
+
Adoption was put on a formal footing in 1926, following the publication of the Adoption of Children Act.
  
the adoptive parents and sometimes name of person acting as guardian ad litem and the decision of the court.The registers can be disapointing as hand writing
+
Prior to this, adoptions were arranged by adoption societies and between private individuals. Some societies, one being the Church of England Children's Society, maintain records of adoptions that they arranged. Boards of Guardians also prepared reports but very few remain.
  
is often poor.
+
When the act was drafted it was assumed that the adopted person’s break with the birth family would be total and it was believed that the adopted person would never be able to trace their birth roots.
  
These registers are closed by law for''' 75 years'''
+
From 1927 adoptions had to be approved by magistrates meeting in a Petty Sessions Court and each court maintained a register. These registers are closed to public inspection for '''75''' years.
  
The clerk to the petty session court kept a file on each adoption and many have been destroyed .Some maybe deposited at the NRO, but are not open to
 
  
public inspection.
+
'''The registers contain:'''
  
Later ,Local authorities were given authority to supervise adoptions and childrens officers were appointed, sometimes attached to the education dept ( before
+
*The date, name of the child to be adopted, & the date of birth.
  
the creation of social services dep's in 1971), who again kept a register of all the cases whith which they were involved. The registers are dated 1927-1945
+
*The name and address of the birth mother (and sometimes the father).
  
and are a useful indication as to wether there are papers relating to the adoption in the Childrens officers files. If the register indicates That the county
+
*The name and address of the adoptive parents, and sometimes the name of the person acting as Guardian ad Litem, and the decision of the court.
  
Council acted as Guardian Ad Litem , there should be relevant papers.
+
The clerk to the Petty Sessions Court kept a file on each adoption and many have been destroyed. Some may be deposited at the NRO, but are not open to public inspection.
  
Childrens officers files can be disappointing but should contain forms signed by birth mother relinquishing her rights to the child.Sometimes there is
 
  
correspondence from the local clery as to the suitibility of the prospective parents .Sometimes a note about the birth mother and her circumstances, and in
+
Later, local authorities were given authority to supervise adoptions and children's officers were appointed. These were sometimes attached to the Education Department (before the creation of Social Services departments in 1971), who again kept a register of all the cases with which they were involved. The registers are dated 1927-1945 and are a useful indication as to whether there are papers relating to the adoption in the Children's Officer's files. If the register indicates that the County Council acted as Guardian ad Litem, there should be relevant papers.
  
some cases notes about the father too.
+
Children's Officer's files can be disappointing but should contain forms signed by the birth mother relinquishing her rights to the child. Sometimes there is correspondence from the local clergy as to the suitability of the prospective parents. Sometimes there will be a note about the birth mother and her circumstances and in some cases notes about the father too.
  
Registers of all adoptions are kept at the General Register Office and indexes to them can be access BUT Only the adoptee is allowed access to the infomation
+
Registers of all adoptions are kept at the General Register Office and indexes to them can be accessed BUT only the adoptee is allowed access to the information that links the birth name with the adopted one.
  
that links the birth name with the adopted one.
+
=====Adoption Act 1976=====
  
The Adoption Act which came into being in 1976 , changed things slightly. This made provision for people adopted after 11th November 1975, the right to  
+
The Adoption Act which came into being in 1976, changed things slightly. This made provision for people adopted after 11th November 1975 to have the right to access their birth records once they reached 18 years of age ( 16 in Scotland). It gave people adopted before that date the same right, but with the proviso that they must seek counselling first. The NRO will NOT release records to anyone without the appropriate official paperwork to say that this has been done.
  
access their birth records one they reached 18 years of age. It gave people adopted before that date the same right, except with the proviso that they must
 
  
seek councilling first.The NRO will NOT release records to anyone without the appropiate official paperwork to say this has been done.
+
=====Adoption and Children Act 2002 =====
  
  
 +
The Adoption and Children Act 2002, which came into force on 30 December 2005, brings the law on adoption up to date and puts the needs of the child above everything else. The changes in the law should improve the adoption service and help more people consider adoption.
 +
<br><br><br><br>
  
==What is adoption?==
+
==What is Adoption?==
  
 
Adoption is a way of providing a new family for a child when living with their own family is not possible. It is the means of giving a child an opportunity to start again.
 
Adoption is a way of providing a new family for a child when living with their own family is not possible. It is the means of giving a child an opportunity to start again.
  
The mechanics of adoption
+
An adoption order may not be made in relation to a person who has attained the age of 19 years. Should the child be married or has been married they cannot be adopted.
 
 
The adoption process
 
 
 
To be eligible for adoption the child must be under the age of 18 years and a child for whom returning home to their parents is not possible. Should the child be
 
 
 
married or has been married they cannot be adopted.
 
 
 
'''An Adoption Order'''
 
severs all legal ties with the birth family and confers parental rights and responsibilities on the new adoptive family. The birth parents no longer have any legal
 
  
rights over the child and they are not entitled to claim them back. The child becomes a full member of the family; they take adoptive parents surname and  
+
'''An Adoption Order''' severs all legal ties with the birth family and confers parental rights and responsibilities on the new adoptive family. The birth parents no longer have any legal rights over the child and they are not entitled to claim them back. The child becomes a full member of the family; they take the adoptive parents’ surname and assume the same rights and privileges as if they had been born to them, including the right of inheritance.
  
assume the same rights and privileges as if they had been born to them, including the right of inheritance.
+
All adoption orders must be granted by the High Courts, County Courts or Juvenile Courts. They issue a directive to the Registrar General to make an entry in the adopted children’s register, according to the particulars of the adopted child and adoptive parents.
 +
<br><br><br><br>
  
All adoption orders must be granted by the High Courts, county courts or Juvenile courts.They issue a directive to the Registrar General to make an entry in
+
==How Do You Know if You Are Adopted?==
  
the adopted childrens register, according to the particulars of the adopted child and adoptive parents.
+
In recent times, given the changes in adoption law and current thinking, it is thought better that a child know they are adopted, than for them to 'find out' by some other means. Many, although not all, of today's adoptees maintain contact with their birth parents, although this is relatively new thinking.
  
'''The new Adoption and Children Act 2002'''
+
Many people will no doubt go through life never even knowing they were adopted, No one has ever told them and they have never had a situation arise in which they have queried their parentage- it is a small minority though.
  
The new Act, which came into force on 30 December 2005, brings the law on adoption up to date and puts the needs of the child above everything else. The
+
Most will know because their parents have told them, maybe just once and never spoke of it again, but nevertheless have told them.
  
changes in the law should improve the adoption service and help more people consider adoption.  
+
Other parents will be open and honest and explain to the child what being adopted means, maybe starting at an early age, before the child even understands the complex meaning of what they are being told.
  
 +
There is no rule. No-one has to tell their child they are adopted (although the child may not thank them should they ever discover!) and there is nothing to say that a child shouldn't be told, for whatever reason. A parent's ability to talk about their child's adoption in no way reflects on their love for the child - some can talk openly and honestly about adoption like many other things, others are just not as confident.
  
 +
Maybe a good thing to note...
 +
When telling a child about their pre-adoption situation, many parents may not tell the whole truth. That is not to say they set out to lie or deceive, but simply that as parents, it is their job to protect and care for you and your feelings. No parent wants their child to be hurt, so maybe will not tell of things that they think will hurt or cause them distress. Don’t think any the less of them for this – it is because they love you.
 +
<br><br><br><br>
  
==Who's search is it?==
+
==Whose Search Is It?==
  
It is the adoptees search- no one else’s and should be carried out at their pace.
+
It is the adoptee’s search, no one else’s and should be carried out at their pace.
  
 
Any adoptee that chooses to search needs to do so for themselves and with very good reason.
 
Any adoptee that chooses to search needs to do so for themselves and with very good reason.
  
All sorts of things may be uncovered along the way, that will raise emotional issues and thoughts. As each occurs they need to be thought through, and their  
+
All sorts of things may be uncovered along the way that will raise emotional issues and thoughts. As each occurs they need to be thought through, and their implications on everyone, not just the adoptee, need close examination. What a well meaning friend thinks about something maybe completely different as to what you think. Gather opinion by all means, but ultimately regardless of what anyone else thinks, it is the adoptee’s feelings that matter most.
  
implications, on everyone, not just the adoptee, need close examination. What a well meaning friend thinks about something maybe completely different as to
 
  
what you think, gather opinion by all means, but ultimately, regardless of what anyone else thinks, It’s the adoptees feeling that matter most to them.
+
'''Two possible Scenarios''' (of hundreds!):
 +
You have your birth name, and your birth parents’ names on your original birth certificate and have started basic factual research. You find evidence to suggest that your birth mother went on and married.
  
'''2 Senario’s''' ( of hundreds !)
 
  
You have your birth name, and your birth parents names on your original birth cert and have started basic factual research.
+
*'''Scenario One:''' 
 +
She married a man two years after you were born, and had children who consequently are your half siblings
  
You find evidence to suggest that your birth mother went on and married.
 
  
'''''Senario 1'''''
+
*'''Scenario Two:'''
 +
She went on to marry your birth father two years after you were born and had children that are consequently your full siblings.
  
She married a man 2 years after you were born, and had children, which consequently are your half sibs
 
  
'''''Senario 2'''''
+
'''How does that make you feel?'''  
 +
Scenario One evokes different feelings to Scenario Two. This needs to be thought through and will have implications on what you may or may not choose to do next, or even ever.
 +
<br><br><br><br>
  
She went on to marry your birth father 2 years after you were born and had children that are consequently your full sibs.
+
==Where to start?==
  
What does that make you feel? . Senario 1 evokes different feeling to scenario 2.This needs to be thought through and will have implications on what you may
+
'''First Step'''
  
or may not choose to do next, or even ever.
+
'''In order to start your search it is necessary to obtain a copy of your full original birth certificate.'''
 +
<br><br>
 +
*'''If you know your birth name.''' Sending for an original birth cert is no more difficult than sending for any other certificate from the GRO. The cost is £11.00, and should be applied for using a GRO Reference Number. Should you be unable to look it up for yourself, be assured that there is nothing in the GRO index that indicates the person is adopted.
 +
<br>
 +
*'''If you don’t know your birth name''' You will need to apply to the Registrar General for the information. If you were adopted before 12.11.1975 you are required to meet with an adoption counsellor prior to being given this information.
  
  
==where to start?==
+
'''Counselling''' is arranged through the Office for National Statistics, or through local social services post adoption service. You should write to that office and they will send you an application form and information leaflets which should be carefully read and followed.
  
1st step
+
Counselling will be arranged at a time convenient to you, and at a location of your choosing, and will not happen overnight. Adoption records take time to source and post-adoption counselling is only a small part of what today’s adoption teams do.
  
In order to start your search it is necessary to obtain a copy of your Full original birth certificate.
+
If you know your birth name, it is still highly beneficial to have a session or even two with a post adoption counsellor. They don’t bite and have a wealth of knowledge and experience and will not be shocked by anything they hear, nor judge how you feel. They are there to hold your hand, let them hold it.
 +
<br><br>
  
''i)if you know your birth name.''
+
'''Could a friend do the job as well as a counsellor?'''
  
Sending for an original birth cert is no more difficult than sending for any other certificate from the GRO. The cost is £7 , and should be applied for using a GRO
+
You may think so, but no, a friend can listen, and up to a point understand, but what they cannot do is feel impartial. You can pretty much say anything to a counsellor and they will understand, and have probably heard it before anyway. That counsellor will always be there for you, and far better, if you get to the point of contacting a birth parent, that they make that approach, than a well meaning friend.
 +
<br><br>
  
ref Number. Should you have the inabilty to look it up for yourself, be assured that there is nothing in the GRO index that indicates the person is adopted.
+
'''Second Step'''
  
''ii)if you dont know your birth name''
+
'''Write down everything you have been told about your birth and circumstances surrounding it.'''
  
You will need to apply to the Registrar General for the infomation. If you were adopted before 12.11.1975 you are required to meet with an adoption councillor
+
If you have accessed your file through a counselling session, then you will have information that you can note down. If you haven't, maybe it is time to get that counselling arranged. An adoption file can contain a wealth of information or very little but it is all facts with which you can work. Ask for copies of documents to take away with you. You can re-read at your leisure, and take in facts that may have passed you by at the session.
  
prior to being given this info.
+
It must be noted that not all files contain the absolute truth. What is recorded is what the agency or social worker involved was told at the time by the parties involved.
  
This councilling is arranged through the Office for National Statistics,  
+
In the case of privately arranged adoptions, information maybe hard to find, although the local authority that covers the area of the court that made the adoption order should have records, if only brief. At the very least they will have overseen your welfare supervision, and may still have the records.
 +
<br><br>
  
general register office,
+
'''Third Step'''
  
(CA section) Smedley Hydro,
+
'''Actively register your interest in the places that birth families may have registered their desire to establish contact - if this is what you seek to achieve.'''
  
Trafalgar Rd,
+
Whatever form of trying to trace your birth family you choose to use, it is a good idea to register your 'desire to know' in the appropriate place i.e. places where birth families might also look for you.
  
Southport,
+
'''1.''' There are various places that can help you by registering your interest, the '''GRO Adoption Contact Register''' possibly being the best.
  
Merseyside
+
Before 1991, the Registrar General operated a non-statutory system of record tagging, a kind of unofficial swap system, so that counsellors could be advised of enquiries made by birth family members about an adopted person, which can then be passed on at a counselling session.
  
PR2 2HH.
+
Created in 1991, the [http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Governmentcitizensandrights/Registeringlifeevents/Birthandadoptionrecords/Adoptionrecords/DG_175603 Adopted Children Register] exists to put adopted people and their birth relatives in touch with each other if that is what they both wish and a relative may have registered.  
  
You should write to that office and they will send you an application form and infomation leaflets which should be carefully read and followed.
+
The Contact Register cannot help an adopted person to learn of the whereabouts of a birth relative or to know their birth relative’s wishes unless the relative has also chosen to be entered on the Contact Register. From 30 December 2005 applicants can record a wish for specific or no contact with a named individual.
  
Councilling will be arranged at a time convient to you, and at a location of your choosing, and will not happen overnight. Adoption record take time to source
+
The Adoption Contact Register is in two parts and there is a one-off registration fee per entry of £15 for Part 1 and £30 for Part 2.
  
and post adoption councilling is only a small part of what todays adoption teams do.  
+
Part 1 of the Contact Register is for adopted adults to record their wishes for contact or no contact with birth relatives.
  
 +
Part 2 of the Contact Register is for birth relatives to record their wishes for contact or no contact with the adopted person. To apply, birth relatives must satisfy the General Register Office of their relationship to the adopted person.
  
If you know your birth name, it is still highly benificial to have a session or even two with a post adoption councillor.They dont bite and have a wealth of
 
  
knowledge and experience and will not be shocked by anything they hear, nor judge how you feel. They are there to hold your hand,let them hold it.
+
'''2. NORCAP:'''  offers adults affected by adoption practical help and support to locate and make contact with relatives lost through adoption. Membership is available through their website.The first year’s subscription includes a registration fee of £50. [http://www.norcap.org.uk/ NORCAP: Supporting Adults Affected by Adoption]
  
Could a friend do the job as well as a councillor?
 
  
You may think so, but No, a friend can listen, and to a point understand, but what they cannot do is feel impartial.You can petty much say anything to a
+
'''And also:'''
  
councillor and they will understand, and have probably heard it before anyway.That coucillor will always be there for you, and far better, if you get to the
+
'''3.''' The society that arranged your adoption.
  
point of contacting a Birth parent, that they make that approach, than a well meaning friend.
+
'''4.''' The Local Authority Adoption Section that arranged your adoption
 +
<br><br><br><br>
  
 +
==Sarah's Story==
  
''2nd step''
+
A fictionalised account of an adoptee's search for her birth family.  
Wite down everything you have been told about your birth and circumstances surrounding it.
 
  
If you have accessed your file through a councilling session, then again you will have info that you can note down.If you haven't, maybe its time to get that
+
[[Sarah's Story]]
  
councilling arranged. An adoption file can contain a wealth of info or very little but its all facts with which you can work.
+
<br><br>
 +
==Coping With The Hard Facts==
  
It must be noted that not all files contain the absolute truth, what is recorded is what the agency or social worker involved was told at the time, by the  
+
Once you start searching you must prepare yourself for finding things that you may find unpleasant and well as positive things. Do try and prepare yourself for the worst care scenarios, then it can only be better. Its is possible, despite what you have been led to believe, that you may have been born as a result of rape, incest or that you were in fact a foundling. Maybe you were conceived as result of an extra marital affair or your birth mother was nothing more than a child herself. All these scenarios cause different emotions which should be thought through before proceeding and again, consideration given as to the likely outcome of a reunion with a mother who gave her child for adoption in one of those 'worst case ' scenarios.
  
parties involved.
+
Put yourself in that birth mother’s shoes and consider again how she might have felt both then and will feel now if you re-enter her world. Maybe it will make your ability to approach her easier or harder, but either way, at least you'll know.
  
In the case of privately arranged adoptions information maybe hard to find , although the local authority that covers the area of the court that made the
+
Coping with finding a death of a birth parent, if your aim was to meet them, can be desperately hard, and of course, can be discussed with your counsellor. After a long slog, the finding of a death can close a journey so abruptly, so again examine how you'll feel if you happen across this.
 +
<br><br><br><br>
  
adoption order should have records, if only brief. At the very least they will have overseen your welfare supervision, and may still have the records
+
==Although It's My Search, Who Else Does It Affect?==
  
''3rd step''
+
As has been said, it is the adoptee's search and no one else's, although other people are involved to various degrees. Their thoughts and feelings may play a part in this search; in the way you go about things and to whom you can feel comfortable talking to about it.
  
Actively register you interest in the places that birth families will have registered their desire to establish contact - if this is what you seek to achieve - below
 
  
i) The Registrar General.[i]Before 1891 the registrar general operated a non- statutory system of record tagging, a kind of unofficial swap system , so that
+
*'''Yourself.''' Explore what you really feel before you embark upon the search. Are you ready? If not, don't start! Don’t ever feel pressured by anyone else that it is something you have to do, you don’t have to if you don’t want to!
  
councellors could be advised of enquiries made by birth family members about an adopted person, which can then be passed on at a councelling session.
 
  
Since May 1991 the adoption contact register has been operational and a relative may have registered. Apply for the forms to complete along with a leaflet of
+
*'''Your Husband/wife/partner.''' It is a good idea to have a spouse/partner with you in spirit. Whilst undergoing your search there will be days, weeks even, when you feel elation or despair which will be hard to disguise or your feelings may manifest themselves as anger or jubilation, and it is far better to be in a position to share with those that love you, than to have to try to cover it up. A partner may not understand why you need to know, they don’t have to, and although it might make things more difficult emotionally, it is still considered better when they are aware that you are doing it.  
  
explanation to:
 
  
Office of National Statistics
+
*'''Your children.''' Are your children of an age to understand the concept that you are exploring? Will it confuse them as to who you are, or indeed who they are? Will it confuse them as to their loyalties if and when your search comes to fruition, as to who is who, and where they stand with whom? If you have any doubts that they will not understand the concept, keep it until they do.
  
General register office (CA section)
 
  
Smedley Hydro
+
*'''Your Adoptive parents.''' This is always a difficult one, and depends on how open you feel your parents were with you about your adoption. People that have had a chance to talk with their adoptive parents freely and openly over the years about the fact that they were adopted may find it easier than those for whom it was a closed subject, or indeed kept a complete secret and the adoptee has discovered rather than having been told.
  
Trafalgar Rd
 
  
Southport
+
If you feel you can tell your adoptive parents, it is probably better that they know. They love you and maybe able to fill in some more blanks that will help you on your way. They after all may know facts that they haven’t told you, quite simply because you haven't felt the need to ask up until now.
  
Merseyside
 
  
RP8 2HH
+
Adoptive parents are not a naive as we are given to believe. There are few that do not realise that this search is something their adopted child may one day want to embark upon. They may have reservations, or feel a little put out, and if so then the quieter and calmer you are about it, the better.
  
ii) To the society that arranged you adoption.
 
  
iii)The NORCAP register
+
*'''Your birth family.''' Of course your search may have implications for them. The circumstances surrounding your birth maybe be completely in the open and common knowledge amongst subsequent husbands, partners or siblings, but of course it may not. It cannot be stressed enough, that a birth mother’s 'here and now' must be given consideration irrespective of an adoptee's needs and wants however hard that is for the adoptee. The adoptee that tries to breezes back into a birth mother’s life is likely to get a less favourable reception than one who has tactfully and quietly made an advance and respected the birth mother’s feelings and has proved by their actions that they can be discreet and diplomatic.
 +
<br><br>
  
iv) the local authority adoption section that arranged your adoption
+
==Sources To Aid in The Search For a Birth Parent==
  
''Step 4''
+
*The '''Register of Electors''' will soon become familiar to you, and will no doubt be searched on countless occasions. These are available only in the locality to which they are relevant. They can only be searched by address - the address at which a birth parent lived when you were born is a good start point.
  
Gathering your evidence
+
*'''Births, Deaths and Marriages''' indexes. Hours spent closely examining birth death and marriage registers will soon become a time consuming interest. Record your findings and note where and when you have looked. Make notes and record every possibility just in case.
  
(Search flowchart)
+
*'''Telephone directories/on line directories'''. Make a list of all the occurrences of the right name, and cross reference them with the electoral roll. Probably the last thing you would ever do is to actually telephone someone you thought to be a birth parent, but using a telephone directory to gather name occurrences is a good idea.
  
 +
*'''[http://www.myfolks.org.uk/ My Folks Website]''' A site to search and place messages to find family and friends in the UK. They'll not only help and advise you in your search, they'll laugh and cry with you too. They do make a charge for their services (although not just for talking and advising), which can be quite costly - this can amount to around £200.
  
 +
<br><br>
  
 +
==What Are The Costs Involved in Searching?==
  
==Coping with the hard facts==
+
In working out what costs will be incurred, one needs to think further than simply financial costs. Other things to consider are time, energy and emotional cost as well as monetary.
  
Once you start searching you must prepare yourselve for finding things that you may find unpleasant and well as positive things. Do try and prepare yourself
+
Time will have to be put aside for counselling session(s) as well as for travel to register offices and maybe even to the GRO. Research can be very time consuming, and when a critical point it reached can be 'life encompassing' and needs to be strictly disciplined so that it does not become your whole life. Never forget that your family needs you now! Do you have that time without making too many sacrifices?
  
for the worst care senarios, then it can only be better. Its is possible, despite what you have been led to believe , that you may have been born as a result of
+
Searching through Birth, Death and Marriage records costs little, if anything. What needs to be thought out is how to pay for the inevitable certificates that will be required and expenses such as travel. A telephone is a useful asset, and a very draining resource - if every last penny you can muster goes into research, something or someone is bound to suffer. Set yourself a budget and try and stick to it.
 +
<br><br>
  
Rape,Incest or that you were in fact a foundling.Maybe you were concieved as result of an extra marital affair or you birth mother was nothing more than a
+
==Some Useful Addresses==
  
child herself.All these senarios case different emotions which should be thought through before proceding and again, consideration given as to the likely
+
'''Office of National Statistics (ONS)'''
  
outcome of a reunion with a mother who gave her child for adoption in one of those 'worst case ' senarios. Put youself in that birth mothers shoes and  
+
:Adopted Children Register (and/or) Adoption Contact Register
 +
:Smedley Hydro
 +
:Trafalgar Road
 +
:Southport
 +
:Merseyside
 +
:PR8 2HH
 +
:Tel: (0151) 471 4313   
  
consider agan how she might have felt both then and will feel now if you re-enter her world. Mybe it will make you abilty to approach her easier, or harder but
 
  
either way, at least you'll know.
+
*[http://www.baaf.org.uk/ British Association for Adoption & Fostering]
 
+
 
Coping with finding a death of a birth parent - if your aim was to meet them- can be desperately hard, and of course, can be discussed with your councillor.
 
 
 
After a long slog,the finding of a death can close a journey so abruptly, so again examine how you'll feel if you happen across this.
 
 
 
 
==Althought its my search who else does it affect?==
 
 
 
As has been said it is the adoptee's search, no one else, although other people, are involved to various degrees. Their thought and feeling may play a part in
 
 
 
this search, in the way you go about things, and to whom you can feel comfortable talking to about it.
 
 
 
 
 
i) You - explore what you really feel before you embark upon the search.Are you ready? If not dont start! Dont ever feel pressured by anyone else that is
 
 
 
something you have to do, you dont if you dont want to!
 
 
 
 
 
ii) Your Husband/wife/partner
 
 
 
Its a good idea to have a spouse/partner with you in spirit, whilst undergoing your search.there will be days, weeks even ,when you feel elation or dispair
 
 
 
which will be hard to diguise or brush off. feeling that may emerge in you may manifest as anger or jubilation, and its far better to be in a position to share
 
 
 
with those that love you, than to have to try to cover it up .
 
 
 
A partner may not understand why you need to know - they dont have toand although it might make things more difficult emotionally, it is still considered
 
 
 
better than they are aware that you are doing it.
 
 
 
iii)Your children
 
 
 
 
 
Are your children of an age to understand the concept that you are exploring? Will it confuse them as to who they are, or indeed who they are? Will it confuse
 
 
 
them as to their loyalties if and when your search comes to fruition, as to who is who, and where they stand with who? If you have any doubts, that they will
 
 
 
not understand the concept, keep it until they do.
 
 
 
 
 
iiii)Your Adoptive parents
 
 
 
This is always a difficult one, and depends on how open you feel your parents were with you about your adoption.
 
 
 
People that have had a chance to talk with their adoptive parents freely and openly over the years about the fact that they were adopted may find it easier,
 
 
 
than those for whom it was a closed subject, or indeed kept a complete secret and the adoptee has discovered rather than having been told .
 
 
 
If you feel you can tell your adoptive parents, its probably better that they know. They love you and maybe able to fill in some more blanks that will help you
 
 
 
on your way, they, after all probably know fact that they havent told you, quite simply because you haven't felt the need to ask, up until now.
 
 
 
Adoptive parents are not a naive as we are given to believe.They are few that do not realise that this search is not something their adopted child may one
 
 
 
day, want to embark upon. The may have reservation, or feel a little put out, and if so then the quieter and calmer you are about it, probably the better.
 
 
 
 
 
iv) Your birth family
 
 
 
Of course, you search may have implications on them. The circumstances surounding your birth maybe completely in the open and common
 
 
 
knowledge amongst subsequent husbands/partners/siblings, but of course it may not. It cannot be stressed enough, that a birth mothers 'here and now' must
 
 
 
be given consideration irrespective of an adoptees needs and wants - however hard that is for the adoptee - the adoptee that tries to breezes back into a
 
 
 
birth mothers life is likely to get a less favourable reception than one who has tactfully and quietly made an advance and respected birth mothers feelings and
 
 
 
has proved by their actions that they can be discrete and diplomatic.
 
 
 
==Sarahs Story==
 
 
 
when its ready !
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
==What are the costs involved in searching?==
 
 
 
In working out what costs will be incurred, one needs to think further than simply financial costs.Other things to consider are time, energy and emotional cost
 
 
 
as well as monitary.
 
 
 
Time will have to be put aside for councilling session(s) as well as for travel to register offices and maybe even to the GRO.Research can be very time
 
 
 
consuming, and when a critical point it reached can be 'life encompassing' and needs to be strictly disciplined so that it does not become your whole life. Never
 
 
 
forget that your family needs you now! Do you have that time without making too many sacrifices?
 
 
 
Seaching through Birth death and marriage records cost little, if anything. What needs to be thought out is how to pay for the inevtiable cerificates that will
 
 
 
be required and expenses such as travel. A telephone is a useful asset , and a very draining resource - if every last penny you can muster goes into research
 
 
 
something or someone is bound to suffer. Set yourself a budget and try and stick to it .
 
 
 
 
 
==Source to aid in the search for a birth parent==
 
 
 
 
 
The Register of electors will soon become familiar to you, and will no doubt be searched on countless occasions.These are availible only in the locality to which
 
 
 
they are relevant. They can only be searched by address - the addrss at which a birth parent lived when you were born is a good start point.
 
 
 
Birth deaths and marriages index Hours spent closely examining birth death and marriage registers will soon become a time consuming interest.Record your
 
 
 
findings and note where and when you have looked.Make notes and record every possibility just in case.
 
 
 
==Telephone directories/on line directories==
 
 
 
 
 
Make a list of all the occurances of the right name, and cross ref them with the electoral roll.Probably the last thing you'd ever do is actually telephone
 
 
 
someone you thought to be a birth parent, but using a telephone directory to gather name occurances is a good idea.
 
 
 
 
 
==How do you know if you are adopted?==
 
 
 
In recent times, given the changes in adoption law and current thinking, that it is better that a child know they are adopted, than for them to 'find out' by
 
 
 
some means.Many. although not all,of todays adoptees maintain contact with their birth parents, although this is relatively new thinking.
 
 
 
Many people will no doubt go through life never even knowing they were adopted, No one has ever told them and they have never had a situation araise in
 
 
 
which they have queried their parentage- its a small minority though.
 
 
 
Most will know, because their parents have told them, maybe just once and never spoke of it again, but nevertheless, have told them.
 
 
 
Other parents will be open and honest and expain to the child what being adopted means, maybe starting at an early age, before the child even understands
 
 
 
the complex meaning of what they are being told.
 
 
 
[IMG][/IMG]
 
 
 
There is no rule.No-one has to tell their child they are adopted ( although the child may not thank them should they ever discover!) and there is nothing to
 
 
 
say that a child shouldnt be told, for whatever reason. A parents ability to talk about their Childs adoption no way reflects on their love for the child - some
 
 
 
can talk openly and honestly about adoption, like many other things, others Just not as confident.
 
 
 
Maybe a good time to note...
 
 
 
When telling a child about their pre adoption situation, many Parents may not tell the whole truth. That is not to say they set out to lie or decieve, but simply,
 
 
 
that as parents its their job to protect and care for you and your feelings. No parent want their child to hurt, so maybe will not tell of things that they think
 
 
 
will hurt or cause you distress. Dont think any the less of them for this - its because they love you.
 
 
 
 
 
==Tracing Birth relatives- sources==
 
 
 
Whatever form of trying to trace your birth family you choose to use, its a good idea to register your 'desire to know' in the appropiate place ie places where
 
 
 
Birth familys might also look for you.
 
 
 
There are various places that can help you by registering your interest, the GRO adoption contact register possibly being the best.
 
 
 
This is a two part system,part A for the adoptee to register their interest, and part B for a birth family to register theirs.
 
 
 
http://www.gro.gov.uk/gro/content/ad...ster/index.asp
 
 
 
Created in 1991, the Adoption Contact Register exists to put adopted people and their birth relatives in touch with each other if that is what they both wish.
 
 
 
The Contact Register cannot help an adopted person to learn of the whereabouts of a birth relative or to know their birth relative’s wishes unless the relative
 
 
 
has also chosen to be entered on the Contact Register.
 
 
 
From 30 December 2005 applicants can record a wish for specific or no contact with a named individual.
 
 
 
The Adoption Contact Register is in two parts and there is a one-off registration fee per entry of £15 for Part 1 and £30 for Part 2.
 
 
 
Part 1 of the Contact Register is for adopted adults to record their wishes for contact or no contact with birth relatives. .
 
 
 
Part 2 of the Contact Register is for birth relatives to record their wishes for contact or no contact with the adopted person. To apply birth relatives must
 
 
 
satisfy the General Register Office of their relationship to the adopted person.
 
 
 
'''NORCAP''' offers adults affected by adoption practical help and support to locate and make contact with relatives lost through adoption.
 
 
 
Membership is available through their website: NORCAP: Supporting Adults Affected by Adoption
 
 
 
first year subscription including a registration fee of £50
 
 
 
 
 
My Folks Website
 
 
 
A site to search and place messages
 
 
 
to find family and friends in the UK
 
 
 
Debby and Joan joined hands to create this website and offer you our combined abilities to assist and help complete your search. We offer an intermediary
 
 
 
service and provide 100% support throughout. You can rest in the knowledge you are in the safe hands of two successful and experienced researchers.
 
 
 
Joan and Debbie offer a telephone service too -
 
 
 
Joan -Tel:              01454 615031        up to midnight.
 
 
 
Debby - Tel:              0870 991 3769        Evenings/weekends
 
 
 
They'll not only help and advise you in your search, they'll laugh and cry with you too.
 
 
 
they do make a charge for their services ( although not just for talking and advising), which can be quite costly , Joan advises that this can amount to
 
 
 
around £200
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
==Some Useful Addresses==
 
  
Office of National Statistics (ONS)
+
*[http://www.n-p-n.co.uk/about_us.htm Natural Parents Network]
  
Adopted Children Register (and/or) Adoption Contact Register
 
  
Smedley Hydro
+
*[http://www.adoptionsearchreunion.org.uk/default.htm Adoption Search and Reunion]
  
Trafalgar Road
 
  
Southport
+
'''Adoption UK'''
 +
:46 The Green
 +
:South Bar Street
 +
:Banbury
 +
:Oxon
 +
:OX16 9AB
 +
:Tel: (01295) 752240 (9am – 5pm)
 +
:Fax: (01295) 752241
 +
:Helpline: 0844 848 7900 (10am – 4pm)
 +
:Website: [http://www.adoptionuk.org/ Adoption UK]
 +
:Email: admin@adoptionuk.org.uk.
  
Merseyside
 
  
PR8 2HH
+
'''The General Register Office (Northern Ireland)'''
 +
:Oxford House
 +
:49-55 Chichester Street
 +
:Belfast
 +
:BY1 4HL
  
Tel:01514 714 313   
 
 
 
  
The General Register Office (Northern Ireland)
+
'''The General Register Office (Republic of Ireland)'''
 +
:8 - 11 Lombard Street
 +
:Dublin 2
  
Oxford House
 
  
49-55 Chichester Street
+
'''The General Register Office (Scotland)'''
 +
:Adoption Unit
 +
:New Register House
 +
:Edinburgh
 +
:EH1 3YT
  
Belfast
 
  
BY1 4HL
+
'''National Organisation for the Counselling of Adoptees and Parents (Norcap)'''
 +
:112 Church Road
 +
:Wheatley
 +
:Oxfordshire
 +
:OX33 1LU
 +
:Tel: (01865) 875 000     
 +
:Website [http://www.norcap.org.uk/ Norcap]
  
General Register Office
 
  
The General Register Office (Republic of Ireland)
+
'''After Adoption'''
 +
:12-14 Chapel Street
 +
:Manchester
 +
:M3 7NN
 +
:Tel: (0161) 839 4930
 +
:Website: [http://www.afteradoption.org.uk/ After Adoption]
  
8 - 11 Lombard Street
 
  
Dublin 2
+
'''Post Adoption Centre'''
 +
:8 Torriano Mews
 +
:Torriano Avenue
 +
:London
 +
:NW5 2RZ
 +
:Tel: (020) 7284 0555
 +
:Website: [http://www.postadoptioncentre.org.uk/ Post Adoption Centre]
  
The General Register Office - About Us
 
  
 +
'''Public Search Rooms - Family Record Office'''
 +
:1 Myddleton Street
 +
:London
 +
:EC1 1UW
 +
:Tel: (01704) 569 824
  
The General Register Office (Scotland)
 
  
Adoption Unit
+
'''Barnardo's'''
 +
:Tanners Lane
 +
:Barkingside
 +
:Ilford
 +
:Essex
 +
:IG6 1QG
 +
:Tel: (020) 8550 8822
 +
:Fax: (020) 8551 6870
 +
:Website [http://www.barnardos.org.uk/who_we_are/history/barnardos_homes.htm Thomas Barnardo's Orphanges and Homes - A Directory ]
  
New Register House
 
  
Edinburgh
+
'''Birthlink'''
 +
:21 Castle Street
 +
:Edinburgh
 +
:EH2 3DN
 +
:Scotland
 +
:United Kingdom
 +
:Tel: (0131) 225 6441
 +
:Website: [http://www.birthlink.org.uk/ Birthlink]
  
EH1 3YT
+
==Additional Links==
 +
*[http://www.adoptionsearchreunion.org.uk/default.htm Adoption Search Reunion] Site for Locating Where Records Might Be Held Now.
  
General Register Office for Scotland
+
*[http://www.iwasadopted.com/?gclid=CMrDksy_25ICFQOE1Aod1B-e_g I Was Adopted dot com] Global Adoption Reunion Site
  
 +
*[http://www.everychildmatters.gov.uk/adoption/ Every Child Matters] Information on Adoption for Practitioners Working with Children and Families.
  
National Organisation for the Counselling of Adoptees and Parents (Norcap)
+
*[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adoption Wikipedia Adoption Page]
  
112 Church Road
+
*[http://www.adoptionuk.org/ Adoption UK]
  
Wheatley
+
*[http://www.baaf.org.uk/info/lpp/adoption/scotland.shtml Adoption in Scotland]
  
Oxfordshire
+
*[http://www.gro-scotland.gov.uk/regscot/adoption.html Infomation From Adoption Unit at New Register House, (The GRO for Scotland)]
  
OX33 1LU
+
*[http://www.uk-legislation.hmso.gov.uk/legislation/scotland/acts2007/asp_20070004_en_1 Adoption and Children (Scotland) Act 2007]
  
Tel:01865 875 000     
+
*[http://www.birthlink.org.uk/ Birthlink] A Charity Offering a Range of Services to People Separated by Adoption with a Scottish Connection.
  
NORCAP: Supporting Adults Affected by Adoption
+
*[http://www.uktrackers.co.uk/ti_news.htm Trackers International]
 +
<br><br>
  
Post Adoption Centre
+
==A-Z of County/Local Council Contacts==
  
8 Torriano Mews
+
[[Adoption County/Local Council Contacts - A to M]]
  
Torriano Avenue
+
[[Adoption County/Local Council Contacts - N to Z]]
  
London
+
== Adoption from Abroad==
  
NW5 2RZ
+
Naturally, each country has its own rules and regulations concerning adoption, a mine field far too big to be covered here.
  
Tel:020 7284 0555   
+
An overview of some of the rules, regulations and requirements can be understood by referring to [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_adoption#Process_overview Wikipedia Adoption From Abroad ]
 
 
Welcome To The Post-Adoption Centre
 
  
 +
*[http://www.germanbirthregister.com/index_en.php Site Dedicated to Reuniting German Born Adoptees ]
  
Public Search Rooms
 
  
Family Record Office
+
==Searching For An Adoptee==
  
1 Myddleton Street
+
Different Rules and acts of parliament apply, depending on when an adoption took place, and which agency was involved. The rights and procedures for a birth relative to follow are best explained here [http://www.n-p-n.co.uk/birthparents_rights.htm Birth Parents Rights]
  
London
 
  
EC1 1UW
+
==Further reading==
  
Tel:01704 569 824  (ONS)
+
*[http://darkwing.uoregon.edu/~adoption/index.html The Adoption History Project] - USA based but interesting reading.
  
 +
*[http://www.dil.aber.ac.uk/dils/Research/RFocus9/staf_rrf.htm Famous & Remarkable Adoptees, Foster Children and Others: a Biographical Directory]
  
[[back to top]]
 
__________________
 
  
__________________
+
Back to [[Creating Your Family Tree]]

Latest revision as of 07:02, 12 September 2022



History of The Act of Formal Adoption and The Law

Before 1976

Adoption was put on a formal footing in 1926, following the publication of the Adoption of Children Act.

Prior to this, adoptions were arranged by adoption societies and between private individuals. Some societies, one being the Church of England Children's Society, maintain records of adoptions that they arranged. Boards of Guardians also prepared reports but very few remain.

When the act was drafted it was assumed that the adopted person’s break with the birth family would be total and it was believed that the adopted person would never be able to trace their birth roots.

From 1927 adoptions had to be approved by magistrates meeting in a Petty Sessions Court and each court maintained a register. These registers are closed to public inspection for 75 years.


The registers contain:

  • The date, name of the child to be adopted, & the date of birth.
  • The name and address of the birth mother (and sometimes the father).
  • The name and address of the adoptive parents, and sometimes the name of the person acting as Guardian ad Litem, and the decision of the court.

The clerk to the Petty Sessions Court kept a file on each adoption and many have been destroyed. Some may be deposited at the NRO, but are not open to public inspection.


Later, local authorities were given authority to supervise adoptions and children's officers were appointed. These were sometimes attached to the Education Department (before the creation of Social Services departments in 1971), who again kept a register of all the cases with which they were involved. The registers are dated 1927-1945 and are a useful indication as to whether there are papers relating to the adoption in the Children's Officer's files. If the register indicates that the County Council acted as Guardian ad Litem, there should be relevant papers.

Children's Officer's files can be disappointing but should contain forms signed by the birth mother relinquishing her rights to the child. Sometimes there is correspondence from the local clergy as to the suitability of the prospective parents. Sometimes there will be a note about the birth mother and her circumstances and in some cases notes about the father too.

Registers of all adoptions are kept at the General Register Office and indexes to them can be accessed BUT only the adoptee is allowed access to the information that links the birth name with the adopted one.

Adoption Act 1976

The Adoption Act which came into being in 1976, changed things slightly. This made provision for people adopted after 11th November 1975 to have the right to access their birth records once they reached 18 years of age ( 16 in Scotland). It gave people adopted before that date the same right, but with the proviso that they must seek counselling first. The NRO will NOT release records to anyone without the appropriate official paperwork to say that this has been done.


Adoption and Children Act 2002

The Adoption and Children Act 2002, which came into force on 30 December 2005, brings the law on adoption up to date and puts the needs of the child above everything else. The changes in the law should improve the adoption service and help more people consider adoption.



What is Adoption?

Adoption is a way of providing a new family for a child when living with their own family is not possible. It is the means of giving a child an opportunity to start again.

An adoption order may not be made in relation to a person who has attained the age of 19 years. Should the child be married or has been married they cannot be adopted.

An Adoption Order severs all legal ties with the birth family and confers parental rights and responsibilities on the new adoptive family. The birth parents no longer have any legal rights over the child and they are not entitled to claim them back. The child becomes a full member of the family; they take the adoptive parents’ surname and assume the same rights and privileges as if they had been born to them, including the right of inheritance.

All adoption orders must be granted by the High Courts, County Courts or Juvenile Courts. They issue a directive to the Registrar General to make an entry in the adopted children’s register, according to the particulars of the adopted child and adoptive parents.



How Do You Know if You Are Adopted?

In recent times, given the changes in adoption law and current thinking, it is thought better that a child know they are adopted, than for them to 'find out' by some other means. Many, although not all, of today's adoptees maintain contact with their birth parents, although this is relatively new thinking.

Many people will no doubt go through life never even knowing they were adopted, No one has ever told them and they have never had a situation arise in which they have queried their parentage- it is a small minority though.

Most will know because their parents have told them, maybe just once and never spoke of it again, but nevertheless have told them.

Other parents will be open and honest and explain to the child what being adopted means, maybe starting at an early age, before the child even understands the complex meaning of what they are being told.

There is no rule. No-one has to tell their child they are adopted (although the child may not thank them should they ever discover!) and there is nothing to say that a child shouldn't be told, for whatever reason. A parent's ability to talk about their child's adoption in no way reflects on their love for the child - some can talk openly and honestly about adoption like many other things, others are just not as confident.

Maybe a good thing to note... When telling a child about their pre-adoption situation, many parents may not tell the whole truth. That is not to say they set out to lie or deceive, but simply that as parents, it is their job to protect and care for you and your feelings. No parent wants their child to be hurt, so maybe will not tell of things that they think will hurt or cause them distress. Don’t think any the less of them for this – it is because they love you.



Whose Search Is It?

It is the adoptee’s search, no one else’s and should be carried out at their pace.

Any adoptee that chooses to search needs to do so for themselves and with very good reason.

All sorts of things may be uncovered along the way that will raise emotional issues and thoughts. As each occurs they need to be thought through, and their implications on everyone, not just the adoptee, need close examination. What a well meaning friend thinks about something maybe completely different as to what you think. Gather opinion by all means, but ultimately regardless of what anyone else thinks, it is the adoptee’s feelings that matter most.


Two possible Scenarios (of hundreds!): You have your birth name, and your birth parents’ names on your original birth certificate and have started basic factual research. You find evidence to suggest that your birth mother went on and married.


  • Scenario One:

She married a man two years after you were born, and had children who consequently are your half siblings


  • Scenario Two:

She went on to marry your birth father two years after you were born and had children that are consequently your full siblings.


How does that make you feel? Scenario One evokes different feelings to Scenario Two. This needs to be thought through and will have implications on what you may or may not choose to do next, or even ever.



Where to start?

First Step

In order to start your search it is necessary to obtain a copy of your full original birth certificate.

  • If you know your birth name. Sending for an original birth cert is no more difficult than sending for any other certificate from the GRO. The cost is £11.00, and should be applied for using a GRO Reference Number. Should you be unable to look it up for yourself, be assured that there is nothing in the GRO index that indicates the person is adopted.


  • If you don’t know your birth name You will need to apply to the Registrar General for the information. If you were adopted before 12.11.1975 you are required to meet with an adoption counsellor prior to being given this information.


Counselling is arranged through the Office for National Statistics, or through local social services post adoption service. You should write to that office and they will send you an application form and information leaflets which should be carefully read and followed.

Counselling will be arranged at a time convenient to you, and at a location of your choosing, and will not happen overnight. Adoption records take time to source and post-adoption counselling is only a small part of what today’s adoption teams do.

If you know your birth name, it is still highly beneficial to have a session or even two with a post adoption counsellor. They don’t bite and have a wealth of knowledge and experience and will not be shocked by anything they hear, nor judge how you feel. They are there to hold your hand, let them hold it.

Could a friend do the job as well as a counsellor?

You may think so, but no, a friend can listen, and up to a point understand, but what they cannot do is feel impartial. You can pretty much say anything to a counsellor and they will understand, and have probably heard it before anyway. That counsellor will always be there for you, and far better, if you get to the point of contacting a birth parent, that they make that approach, than a well meaning friend.

Second Step

Write down everything you have been told about your birth and circumstances surrounding it.

If you have accessed your file through a counselling session, then you will have information that you can note down. If you haven't, maybe it is time to get that counselling arranged. An adoption file can contain a wealth of information or very little but it is all facts with which you can work. Ask for copies of documents to take away with you. You can re-read at your leisure, and take in facts that may have passed you by at the session.

It must be noted that not all files contain the absolute truth. What is recorded is what the agency or social worker involved was told at the time by the parties involved.

In the case of privately arranged adoptions, information maybe hard to find, although the local authority that covers the area of the court that made the adoption order should have records, if only brief. At the very least they will have overseen your welfare supervision, and may still have the records.

Third Step

Actively register your interest in the places that birth families may have registered their desire to establish contact - if this is what you seek to achieve.

Whatever form of trying to trace your birth family you choose to use, it is a good idea to register your 'desire to know' in the appropriate place i.e. places where birth families might also look for you.

1. There are various places that can help you by registering your interest, the GRO Adoption Contact Register possibly being the best.

Before 1991, the Registrar General operated a non-statutory system of record tagging, a kind of unofficial swap system, so that counsellors could be advised of enquiries made by birth family members about an adopted person, which can then be passed on at a counselling session.

Created in 1991, the Adopted Children Register exists to put adopted people and their birth relatives in touch with each other if that is what they both wish and a relative may have registered.

The Contact Register cannot help an adopted person to learn of the whereabouts of a birth relative or to know their birth relative’s wishes unless the relative has also chosen to be entered on the Contact Register. From 30 December 2005 applicants can record a wish for specific or no contact with a named individual.

The Adoption Contact Register is in two parts and there is a one-off registration fee per entry of £15 for Part 1 and £30 for Part 2.

Part 1 of the Contact Register is for adopted adults to record their wishes for contact or no contact with birth relatives.

Part 2 of the Contact Register is for birth relatives to record their wishes for contact or no contact with the adopted person. To apply, birth relatives must satisfy the General Register Office of their relationship to the adopted person.


2. NORCAP: offers adults affected by adoption practical help and support to locate and make contact with relatives lost through adoption. Membership is available through their website.The first year’s subscription includes a registration fee of £50. NORCAP: Supporting Adults Affected by Adoption


And also:

3. The society that arranged your adoption.

4. The Local Authority Adoption Section that arranged your adoption



Sarah's Story

A fictionalised account of an adoptee's search for her birth family.

Sarah's Story



Coping With The Hard Facts

Once you start searching you must prepare yourself for finding things that you may find unpleasant and well as positive things. Do try and prepare yourself for the worst care scenarios, then it can only be better. Its is possible, despite what you have been led to believe, that you may have been born as a result of rape, incest or that you were in fact a foundling. Maybe you were conceived as result of an extra marital affair or your birth mother was nothing more than a child herself. All these scenarios cause different emotions which should be thought through before proceeding and again, consideration given as to the likely outcome of a reunion with a mother who gave her child for adoption in one of those 'worst case ' scenarios.

Put yourself in that birth mother’s shoes and consider again how she might have felt both then and will feel now if you re-enter her world. Maybe it will make your ability to approach her easier or harder, but either way, at least you'll know.

Coping with finding a death of a birth parent, if your aim was to meet them, can be desperately hard, and of course, can be discussed with your counsellor. After a long slog, the finding of a death can close a journey so abruptly, so again examine how you'll feel if you happen across this.



Although It's My Search, Who Else Does It Affect?

As has been said, it is the adoptee's search and no one else's, although other people are involved to various degrees. Their thoughts and feelings may play a part in this search; in the way you go about things and to whom you can feel comfortable talking to about it.


  • Yourself. Explore what you really feel before you embark upon the search. Are you ready? If not, don't start! Don’t ever feel pressured by anyone else that it is something you have to do, you don’t have to if you don’t want to!


  • Your Husband/wife/partner. It is a good idea to have a spouse/partner with you in spirit. Whilst undergoing your search there will be days, weeks even, when you feel elation or despair which will be hard to disguise or your feelings may manifest themselves as anger or jubilation, and it is far better to be in a position to share with those that love you, than to have to try to cover it up. A partner may not understand why you need to know, they don’t have to, and although it might make things more difficult emotionally, it is still considered better when they are aware that you are doing it.


  • Your children. Are your children of an age to understand the concept that you are exploring? Will it confuse them as to who you are, or indeed who they are? Will it confuse them as to their loyalties if and when your search comes to fruition, as to who is who, and where they stand with whom? If you have any doubts that they will not understand the concept, keep it until they do.


  • Your Adoptive parents. This is always a difficult one, and depends on how open you feel your parents were with you about your adoption. People that have had a chance to talk with their adoptive parents freely and openly over the years about the fact that they were adopted may find it easier than those for whom it was a closed subject, or indeed kept a complete secret and the adoptee has discovered rather than having been told.


If you feel you can tell your adoptive parents, it is probably better that they know. They love you and maybe able to fill in some more blanks that will help you on your way. They after all may know facts that they haven’t told you, quite simply because you haven't felt the need to ask up until now.


Adoptive parents are not a naive as we are given to believe. There are few that do not realise that this search is something their adopted child may one day want to embark upon. They may have reservations, or feel a little put out, and if so then the quieter and calmer you are about it, the better.


  • Your birth family. Of course your search may have implications for them. The circumstances surrounding your birth maybe be completely in the open and common knowledge amongst subsequent husbands, partners or siblings, but of course it may not. It cannot be stressed enough, that a birth mother’s 'here and now' must be given consideration irrespective of an adoptee's needs and wants however hard that is for the adoptee. The adoptee that tries to breezes back into a birth mother’s life is likely to get a less favourable reception than one who has tactfully and quietly made an advance and respected the birth mother’s feelings and has proved by their actions that they can be discreet and diplomatic.



Sources To Aid in The Search For a Birth Parent

  • The Register of Electors will soon become familiar to you, and will no doubt be searched on countless occasions. These are available only in the locality to which they are relevant. They can only be searched by address - the address at which a birth parent lived when you were born is a good start point.
  • Births, Deaths and Marriages indexes. Hours spent closely examining birth death and marriage registers will soon become a time consuming interest. Record your findings and note where and when you have looked. Make notes and record every possibility just in case.
  • Telephone directories/on line directories. Make a list of all the occurrences of the right name, and cross reference them with the electoral roll. Probably the last thing you would ever do is to actually telephone someone you thought to be a birth parent, but using a telephone directory to gather name occurrences is a good idea.
  • My Folks Website A site to search and place messages to find family and friends in the UK. They'll not only help and advise you in your search, they'll laugh and cry with you too. They do make a charge for their services (although not just for talking and advising), which can be quite costly - this can amount to around £200.



What Are The Costs Involved in Searching?

In working out what costs will be incurred, one needs to think further than simply financial costs. Other things to consider are time, energy and emotional cost as well as monetary.

Time will have to be put aside for counselling session(s) as well as for travel to register offices and maybe even to the GRO. Research can be very time consuming, and when a critical point it reached can be 'life encompassing' and needs to be strictly disciplined so that it does not become your whole life. Never forget that your family needs you now! Do you have that time without making too many sacrifices?

Searching through Birth, Death and Marriage records costs little, if anything. What needs to be thought out is how to pay for the inevitable certificates that will be required and expenses such as travel. A telephone is a useful asset, and a very draining resource - if every last penny you can muster goes into research, something or someone is bound to suffer. Set yourself a budget and try and stick to it.

Some Useful Addresses

Office of National Statistics (ONS)

Adopted Children Register (and/or) Adoption Contact Register
Smedley Hydro
Trafalgar Road
Southport
Merseyside
PR8 2HH
Tel: (0151) 471 4313





Adoption UK

46 The Green
South Bar Street
Banbury
Oxon
OX16 9AB
Tel: (01295) 752240 (9am – 5pm)
Fax: (01295) 752241
Helpline: 0844 848 7900 (10am – 4pm)
Website: Adoption UK
Email: admin@adoptionuk.org.uk.


The General Register Office (Northern Ireland)

Oxford House
49-55 Chichester Street
Belfast
BY1 4HL


The General Register Office (Republic of Ireland)

8 - 11 Lombard Street
Dublin 2


The General Register Office (Scotland)

Adoption Unit
New Register House
Edinburgh
EH1 3YT


National Organisation for the Counselling of Adoptees and Parents (Norcap)

112 Church Road
Wheatley
Oxfordshire
OX33 1LU
Tel: (01865) 875 000
Website Norcap


After Adoption

12-14 Chapel Street
Manchester
M3 7NN
Tel: (0161) 839 4930
Website: After Adoption


Post Adoption Centre

8 Torriano Mews
Torriano Avenue
London
NW5 2RZ
Tel: (020) 7284 0555
Website: Post Adoption Centre


Public Search Rooms - Family Record Office

1 Myddleton Street
London
EC1 1UW
Tel: (01704) 569 824


Barnardo's

Tanners Lane
Barkingside
Ilford
Essex
IG6 1QG
Tel: (020) 8550 8822
Fax: (020) 8551 6870
Website Thomas Barnardo's Orphanges and Homes - A Directory


Birthlink

21 Castle Street
Edinburgh
EH2 3DN
Scotland
United Kingdom
Tel: (0131) 225 6441
Website: Birthlink

Additional Links

  • Every Child Matters Information on Adoption for Practitioners Working with Children and Families.
  • Birthlink A Charity Offering a Range of Services to People Separated by Adoption with a Scottish Connection.



A-Z of County/Local Council Contacts

Adoption County/Local Council Contacts - A to M

Adoption County/Local Council Contacts - N to Z

Adoption from Abroad

Naturally, each country has its own rules and regulations concerning adoption, a mine field far too big to be covered here.

An overview of some of the rules, regulations and requirements can be understood by referring to Wikipedia Adoption From Abroad


Searching For An Adoptee

Different Rules and acts of parliament apply, depending on when an adoption took place, and which agency was involved. The rights and procedures for a birth relative to follow are best explained here Birth Parents Rights


Further reading


Back to Creating Your Family Tree