Difference between revisions of "Adoption"

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[[Category:Adopted Pages]]
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==History of the act of formal adoption and the law==
 
  
- pre and post 1976.
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==History of The Act of Formal Adoption and The Law==
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=====Before 1976=====
  
 
Adoption was put on a formal footing in 1926, following the publication of the Adoption of Children Act.
 
Adoption was put on a formal footing in 1926, following the publication of the Adoption of Children Act.
  
Prior to this adoptions were arranged by adoption societies and between private individuals. Some societies, one being the Church of England Children's Society maintains records of adoptions that they arranged. Boards of guardians also prepared reports but very few remain.
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Prior to this, adoptions were arranged by adoption societies and between private individuals. Some societies, one being the Church of England Children's Society, maintain records of adoptions that they arranged. Boards of Guardians also prepared reports but very few remain.
  
When the act was drafted it was assumed that the adopted person break with the birth family would be total and it was believed that adopted person would never be able to trace their birth roots.
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When the act was drafted it was assumed that the adopted person’s break with the birth family would be total and it was believed that the adopted person would never be able to trace their birth roots.
  
By 1927 Adoptions had to be approved by magistrates meeting at a petty court session where each court maintained a register. The registers contain:
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From 1927 adoptions had to be approved by magistrates meeting in a Petty Sessions Court and each court maintained a register. These registers are closed to public inspection for '''75''' years.
  
the Date, name of the child to be adopted, & the date of birth. Also the name and address of the birth mother (and sometimes the father ) Name and address of the adoptive parents and sometimes name of person acting as guardian ad litem and the decision of the court.The registers can be disapointing as handwriting is often poor.
 
  
These registers are closed by law for''' 75 years'''
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'''The registers contain:'''
  
The clerk to the petty session court kept a file on each adoption and many have been destroyed .Some maybe deposited at the NRO, but are not open to public inspection.
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*The date, name of the child to be adopted, & the date of birth.  
  
Later ,Local authorities were given authority to supervise adoptions and children's officers were appointed, sometimes attached to the education dept ( before the creation of social services departments in 1971), who again kept a register of all the cases with which they were involved. The registers are dated 1927-1945 and are a useful indication as to whether there are papers relating to the adoption in the Children's Officer's files. If the register indicates That the county Council acted as Guardian Ad Litem , there should be relevant papers.
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*The name and address of the birth mother (and sometimes the father).
  
Children's Officer's files can be disappointing but should contain forms signed by birth mother relinquishing her rights to the child. Sometimes there is correspondence from the local clergy as to the suitibility of the prospective parents .Sometimes a note about the birth mother and her circumstances, and in some cases notes about the father too.
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*The name and address of the adoptive parents, and sometimes the name of the person acting as Guardian ad Litem, and the decision of the court.
  
Registers of all adoptions are kept at the General Register Office and indexes to them can be accessed BUT only the adoptee is allowed access to the infomation that links the birth name with the adopted one.
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The clerk to the Petty Sessions Court kept a file on each adoption and many have been destroyed. Some may be deposited at the NRO, but are not open to public inspection.
  
The Adoption Act which came into being in 1976 , changed things slightly. This made provision for people adopted after 11th November 1975, the right to access their birth records one they reached 18 years of age. It gave people adopted before that date the same right, except with the proviso that they must seek counselling first.The NRO will NOT release records to anyone without the appropriate official paperwork to say this has been done.
 
  
==What is adoption?==
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Later, local authorities were given authority to supervise adoptions and children's officers were appointed. These were sometimes attached to the Education Department (before the creation of Social Services departments in 1971), who again kept a register of all the cases with which they were involved. The registers are dated 1927-1945 and are a useful indication as to whether there are papers relating to the adoption in the Children's Officer's files. If the register indicates that the County Council acted as Guardian ad Litem, there should be relevant papers.
  
Adoption is a way of providing a new family for a child when living with their own family is not possible. It is the means of giving a child an opportunity to start again.
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Children's Officer's files can be disappointing but should contain forms signed by the birth mother relinquishing her rights to the child. Sometimes there is correspondence from the local clergy as to the suitability of the prospective parents. Sometimes there will be a note about the birth mother and her circumstances and in some cases notes about the father too.
  
The adoption process
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Registers of all adoptions are kept at the General Register Office and indexes to them can be accessed BUT only the adoptee is allowed access to the information that links the birth name with the adopted one.
  
To be eligible for adoption the child must be under the age of 18 years and a child for whom returning home to their parents is not possible. Should the child bemarried or has been married they cannot be adopted.
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=====Adoption Act 1976=====
  
'''An Adoption Order'''
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The Adoption Act which came into being in 1976, changed things slightly. This made provision for people adopted after 11th November 1975 to have the right to access their birth records once they reached 18 years of age ( 16 in Scotland). It gave people adopted before that date the same right, but with the proviso that they must seek counselling first. The NRO will NOT release records to anyone without the appropriate official paperwork to say that this has been done.
severs all legal ties with the birth family and confers parental rights and responsibilities on the new adoptive family. The birth parents no longer have any legal rights over the child and they are not entitled to claim them back. The child becomes a full member of the family; they take adoptive parents surname and assume the same rights and privileges as if they had been born to them, including the right of inheritance.
 
  
All adoption orders must be granted by the High Courts, County Courts or Juvenile Courts.They issue a directive to the Registrar General to make an entry in the adopted childrens register, according to the particulars of the adopted child and adoptive parents.
 
  
'''The new Adoption and Children Act 2002'''
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=====Adoption and Children Act 2002 =====
  
The new Act, which came into force on 30 December 2005, brings the law on adoption up to date and puts the needs of the child above everything else. The changes in the law should improve the adoption service and help more people consider adoption.
 
  
==Who's search is it?==
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The Adoption and Children Act 2002, which came into force on 30 December 2005, brings the law on adoption up to date and puts the needs of the child above everything else. The changes in the law should improve the adoption service and help more people consider adoption.
 +
<br><br><br><br>
  
It is the adoptees search- no one else’s and should be carried out at their pace.
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==What is Adoption?==
  
Any adoptee that chooses to search needs to do so for themselves and with very good reason.
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Adoption is a way of providing a new family for a child when living with their own family is not possible. It is the means of giving a child an opportunity to start again.
  
All sorts of things may be uncovered along the way, that will raise emotional issues and thoughts. As each occurs they need to be thought through, and their implications, on everyone, not just the adoptee, need close examination. What a well meaning friend thinks about something maybe completely different as to what you think, gather opinion by all means, but ultimately, regardless of what anyone else thinks, It’s the adoptees feelings that matter most.
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An adoption order may not be made in relation to a person who has attained the age of 19 years. Should the child be married or has been married they cannot be adopted.
  
'''2 Senario’s''' ( of hundreds !)
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'''An Adoption Order''' severs all legal ties with the birth family and confers parental rights and responsibilities on the new adoptive family. The birth parents no longer have any legal rights over the child and they are not entitled to claim them back. The child becomes a full member of the family; they take the adoptive parents’ surname and assume the same rights and privileges as if they had been born to them, including the right of inheritance.
  
You have your birth name, and your birth parents names on your original birth cert and have started basic factual research.
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All adoption orders must be granted by the High Courts, County Courts or Juvenile Courts. They issue a directive to the Registrar General to make an entry in the adopted children’s register, according to the particulars of the adopted child and adoptive parents.
 +
<br><br><br><br>
  
You find evidence to suggest that your birth mother went on and married.
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==How Do You Know if You Are Adopted?==
  
'''''Senario 1'''''
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In recent times, given the changes in adoption law and current thinking, it is thought better that a child know they are adopted, than for them to 'find out' by some other means. Many, although not all, of today's adoptees maintain contact with their birth parents, although this is relatively new thinking.
  
She married a man 2 years after you were born, and had children, which consequently are your half siblings
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Many people will no doubt go through life never even knowing they were adopted, No one has ever told them and they have never had a situation arise in which they have queried their parentage- it is a small minority though.
  
'''''Senario 2'''''
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Most will know because their parents have told them, maybe just once and never spoke of it again, but nevertheless have told them.
  
She went on to marry your birth father 2 years after you were born and had children that are consequently your full siblings.
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Other parents will be open and honest and explain to the child what being adopted means, maybe starting at an early age, before the child even understands the complex meaning of what they are being told.
  
What does that make you feel? . Scenario 1 evokes different feeling to scenario 2.This needs to be thought through and will have implications on what you may or may not choose to do next, or even ever.
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There is no rule. No-one has to tell their child they are adopted (although the child may not thank them should they ever discover!) and there is nothing to say that a child shouldn't be told, for whatever reason. A parent's ability to talk about their child's adoption in no way reflects on their love for the child - some can talk openly and honestly about adoption like many other things, others are just not as confident.
  
==where to start?==
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Maybe a good thing to note...
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When telling a child about their pre-adoption situation, many parents may not tell the whole truth. That is not to say they set out to lie or deceive, but simply that as parents, it is their job to protect and care for you and your feelings. No parent wants their child to be hurt, so maybe will not tell of things that they think will hurt or cause them distress. Don’t think any the less of them for this – it is because they love you.
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<br><br><br><br>
  
1st step
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==Whose Search Is It?==
  
In order to start your search it is necessary to obtain a copy of your Full original birth certificate.
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It is the adoptee’s search, no one else’s and should be carried out at their pace.
  
''i)if you know your birth name.''
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Any adoptee that chooses to search needs to do so for themselves and with very good reason.
  
Sending for an original birth cert is no more difficult than sending for any other certificate from the GRO. The cost is £7.00 , and should be applied for using a GRO Reference Number. Should you have the inabilty to look it up for yourself, be assured that there is nothing in the GRO index that indicates the person is adopted.
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All sorts of things may be uncovered along the way that will raise emotional issues and thoughts. As each occurs they need to be thought through, and their implications on everyone, not just the adoptee, need close examination. What a well meaning friend thinks about something maybe completely different as to what you think. Gather opinion by all means, but ultimately regardless of what anyone else thinks, it is the adoptee’s feelings that matter most.
  
''ii)if you dont know your birth name''
 
  
You will need to apply to the Registrar General for the infomation. If you were adopted before 12.11.1975 you are required to meet with an adoption counsellor prior to being given this information.
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'''Two possible Scenarios''' (of hundreds!):
 +
You have your birth name, and your birth parents’ names on your original birth certificate and have started basic factual research. You find evidence to suggest that your birth mother went on and married.
  
This counselling is arranged through the Office for National Statistics,
 
  
General Register Office,
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*'''Scenario One:''' 
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She married a man two years after you were born, and had children who consequently are your half siblings
  
(CA section) Smedley Hydro,
 
  
Trafalgar Rd,
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*'''Scenario Two:''' 
 +
She went on to marry your birth father two years after you were born and had children that are consequently your full siblings.
  
Southport,
 
  
Merseyside
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'''How does that make you feel?'''
 +
Scenario One evokes different feelings to Scenario Two. This needs to be thought through and will have implications on what you may or may not choose to do next, or even ever.
 +
<br><br><br><br>
  
PR2 2HH.
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==Where to start?==
  
You should write to that office and they will send you an application form and infomation leaflets which should be carefully read and followed.
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'''First Step'''
  
Counselling will be arranged at a time convenient to you, and at a location of your choosing, and will not happen overnight. Adoption records take time to source and post-adoption counselling is only a small part of what todays adoption teams do.  
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'''In order to start your search it is necessary to obtain a copy of your full original birth certificate.'''
 +
<br><br>
 +
*'''If you know your birth name.''' Sending for an original birth cert is no more difficult than sending for any other certificate from the GRO. The cost is £11.00, and should be applied for using a GRO Reference Number. Should you be unable to look it up for yourself, be assured that there is nothing in the GRO index that indicates the person is adopted.
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<br>
 +
*'''If you don’t know your birth name''' You will need to apply to the Registrar General for the information. If you were adopted before 12.11.1975 you are required to meet with an adoption counsellor prior to being given this information.
  
If you know your birth name, it is still highly beneficial to have a session or even two with a post adoption counsellor.They dont bite and have a wealth of knowledge and experience and will not be shocked by anything they hear, nor judge how you feel. They are there to hold your hand,let them hold it.
 
  
Could a friend do the job as well as a counsellor?
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'''Counselling''' is arranged through the Office for National Statistics, or through local social services post adoption service. You should write to that office and they will send you an application form and information leaflets which should be carefully read and followed.
  
You may think so, but No, a friend can listen, and to a point understand, but what they cannot do is feel impartial.You can pretty much say anything to a counsellor and they will understand, and have probably heard it before anyway.That counsellor will always be there for you, and far better, if you get to the point of contacting a Birth parent, that they make that approach, than a well meaning friend.  
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Counselling will be arranged at a time convenient to you, and at a location of your choosing, and will not happen overnight. Adoption records take time to source and post-adoption counselling is only a small part of what today’s adoption teams do.  
  
 +
If you know your birth name, it is still highly beneficial to have a session or even two with a post adoption counsellor. They don’t bite and have a wealth of knowledge and experience and will not be shocked by anything they hear, nor judge how you feel. They are there to hold your hand, let them hold it.
 +
<br><br>
  
''2nd step''
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'''Could a friend do the job as well as a counsellor?'''
  
Write down everything you have been told about your birth and circumstances surrounding it.
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You may think so, but no, a friend can listen, and up to a point understand, but what they cannot do is feel impartial. You can pretty much say anything to a counsellor and they will understand, and have probably heard it before anyway. That counsellor will always be there for you, and far better, if you get to the point of contacting a birth parent, that they make that approach, than a well meaning friend.
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<br><br>
  
If you have accessed your file through a counselling session, then again you will have information that you can note down.If you haven't, maybe its time to get that counselling arranged. An adoption file can contain a wealth of info or very little but its all facts with which you can work.
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'''Second Step'''
  
It must be noted that not all files contain the absolute truth, what is recorded is what the agency or social worker involved was told at the time, by the parties involved.
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'''Write down everything you have been told about your birth and circumstances surrounding it.'''
  
In the case of privately arranged adoptions information maybe hard to find , although the local authority that covers the area of the court that made the adoption order should have records, if only brief. At the very least they will have overseen your welfare supervision, and may still have the records
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If you have accessed your file through a counselling session, then you will have information that you can note down. If you haven't, maybe it is time to get that counselling arranged. An adoption file can contain a wealth of information or very little but it is all facts with which you can work. Ask for copies of documents to take away with you. You can re-read at your leisure, and take in facts that may have passed you by at the session.
  
''3rd step''
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It must be noted that not all files contain the absolute truth. What is recorded is what the agency or social worker involved was told at the time by the parties involved.
  
Actively register you interest in the places that birth families will have registered their desire to establish contact - if this is what you seek to achieve - below
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In the case of privately arranged adoptions, information maybe hard to find, although the local authority that covers the area of the court that made the adoption order should have records, if only brief. At the very least they will have overseen your welfare supervision, and may still have the records.
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<br><br>
  
i) The Registrar General.[i]Before 1891 the registrar general operated a non- statutory system of record tagging, a kind of unofficial swap system , so that counsellors could be advised of enquiries made by birth family members about an adopted person, which can then be passed on at a counselling session.
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'''Third Step'''
  
Since May 1991 the adoption contact register has been operational and a relative may have registered. Apply for the forms to complete along with a leaflet of
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'''Actively register your interest in the places that birth families may have registered their desire to establish contact - if this is what you seek to achieve.'''
  
explanation to:
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Whatever form of trying to trace your birth family you choose to use, it is a good idea to register your 'desire to know' in the appropriate place i.e. places where birth families might also look for you.
  
Office of National Statistics
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'''1.''' There are various places that can help you by registering your interest, the '''GRO Adoption Contact Register''' possibly being the best.
  
General Register Office (CA section)
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Before 1991, the Registrar General operated a non-statutory system of record tagging, a kind of unofficial swap system, so that counsellors could be advised of enquiries made by birth family members about an adopted person, which can then be passed on at a counselling session.
  
Smedley Hydro
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Created in 1991, the [http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Governmentcitizensandrights/Registeringlifeevents/Birthandadoptionrecords/Adoptionrecords/DG_175603 Adopted Children Register] exists to put adopted people and their birth relatives in touch with each other if that is what they both wish and a relative may have registered.
  
Trafalgar Rd
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The Contact Register cannot help an adopted person to learn of the whereabouts of a birth relative or to know their birth relative’s wishes unless the relative has also chosen to be entered on the Contact Register. From 30 December 2005 applicants can record a wish for specific or no contact with a named individual.
  
Southport
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The Adoption Contact Register is in two parts and there is a one-off registration fee per entry of £15 for Part 1 and £30 for Part 2.
 
 
Merseyside
 
 
 
RP8 2HH
 
 
 
ii) To the society that arranged you adoption.
 
 
 
iii)The NORCAP register
 
 
 
iv) the local authority adoption section that arranged your adoption
 
 
 
''Step 4''
 
 
 
Gathering your evidence
 
 
 
(Search flowchart)
 
 
 
==Coping with the hard facts==
 
 
 
Once you start searching you must prepare yourself for finding things that you may find unpleasant and well as positive things. Do try and prepare yourself for the worst care senarios, then it can only be better. Its is possible, despite what you have been led to believe , that you may have been born as a result of Rape,Incest or that you were in fact a foundling.Maybe you were conceived as result of an extra marital affair or you birth mother was nothing more than a child herself.All these senarios cause different emotions which should be thought through before proceding and again, consideration given as to the likely outcome of a reunion with a mother who gave her child for adoption in one of those 'worst case ' senarios.
 
 
 
Put youself in that birth mothers shoes and consider again how she might have felt both then and will feel now if you re-enter her world. Maybe it will make you ability to approach her easier, or harder but either way, at least you'll know.
 
 
 
Coping with finding a death of a birth parent - if your aim was to meet them- can be desperately hard, and of course, can be discussed with your counsellor. After a long slog,the finding of a death can close a journey so abruptly, so again examine how you'll feel if you happen across this.
 
 
 
==Although it's my search who else does it affect?==
 
 
 
As has been said, it is the adoptee's search and no one else's, although other people are involved to various degrees. Their thoughts and feelings may play a part in this search, in the way you go about things and to whom you can feel comfortable talking to about it.
 
 
 
 
 
i) You - explore what you really feel before you embark upon the search. Are you ready? If not,  don't start! Dont ever feel pressured by anyone else that is something you have to do, you dont if you dont want to!
 
 
 
 
 
ii) Your Husband/wife/partner
 
 
 
Its a good idea to have a spouse/partner with you in spirit, whilst undergoing your search.there will be days, weeks even ,when you feel elation or despair which will be hard to diguise or brush off feelings that may emerge in you may manifest as anger or jubilation, and its far better to be in a position to sharewith those that love you, than to have to try to cover it up .A partner may not understand why you need to know - they dont have to and although it might make things more difficult emotionally, it is still considered better than they are aware that you are doing it.
 
 
 
iii)Your children
 
 
 
 
 
Are your children of an age to understand the concept that you are exploring? Will it confuse them as to who they are, or indeed who they are? Will it confuse them as to their loyalties if and when your search comes to fruition, as to who is who, and where they stand with who? If you have any doubts, that they will not understand the concept, keep it until they do.
 
 
 
 
 
iiii)Your Adoptive parents
 
 
 
This is always a difficult one, and depends on how open you feel your parents were with you about your adoption.People that have had a chance to talk with their adoptive parents freely and openly over the years about the fact that they were adopted may find it easier, than those for whom it was a closed subject, or indeed kept a complete secret and the adoptee has discovered rather than having been told .
 
 
 
If you feel you can tell your adoptive parents, its probably better that they know. They love you and maybe able to fill in some more blanks that will help you on your way, they, after all probably know fact that they havent told you, quite simply because you haven't felt the need to ask, up until now.
 
 
 
Adoptive parents are not a naive as we are given to believe.They are few that do not realise that this search is not something their adopted child may one day, want to embark upon. The may have reservation, or feel a little put out, and if so then the quieter and calmer you are about it, probably the better.
 
 
 
 
 
iv) Your birth family
 
 
 
Of course, you search may have implications on them. The circumstances surounding your birth maybe completely in the open and common knowledge amongst subsequent husbands/partners/siblings, but of course it may not. It cannot be stressed enough, that a birth mothers 'here and now' must be given consideration irrespective of an adoptee's needs and wants - however hard that is for the adoptee - the adoptee that tries to breezes back into a birth mothers life is likely to get a less favourable reception than one who has tactfully and quietly made an advance and respected birth mothers feelings and has proved by their actions that they can be discrete and diplomatic.
 
 
 
==Sarah's Story==
 
 
 
 
 
In this section I'm going to tell Sarahs Story
 
 
 
 
 
You have started this journey, that will lead you into the unknown. You have applied for your Original birth cert and have recieved your councelling.
 
 
 
 
 
''Sarah was scared, once she applied for her file, She wondered if it was the right thing to do after all this time. She sat and waited, and imagined all sorts, in
 
the time it took for her file to arrive with the councillor.When the day arrived she got the collywobbles but went along anyway.''
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Maybe that councillor told you things from your file that you were not aware of.
 
 
 
 
 
''When Sarah left the meeting, a couple of hours later her mind was in a whirl, and her hand held tightly to a plastic folder, containing information that the
 
councellor had photocopied for her. her mind was stuffed to bursting with thoughts.''
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Take time to absorb and talk with your loved ones about what you have learned so far.Does it alter what you do next?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
''Sarah wasnt sure if she felt she was really a 'Jeanette' she far prefered the name Sarah, given to her by her adoptive parents, and wondered why her birth
 
mother had chosen Jeanette. Later, after putting her children to bed, she and her husband sat and talked about what she'd been told, and shared with him the
 
snippets of info that the birth papers contained. Sarah wasn't suprised that her birth mother wasn't married, - she'd always been told that by her adoptive
 
Mum and Dad. What she did find hard was that Adoptive mother had given another child for adoption, some years earlier, and although she was unmarried at
 
the time of Sarahs birth, she had been married and had an older son of that marriage. It suddenly occured to Sarah that having thought her mother was
 
unmarried, she was in fact divorced. Having gone in to that meeting thinking she was the child of an unmarried mother, she'd come out knowing she was the
 
third child of a divorcee.''
 
 
 
 
 
Find a large note book and write down everything you now know to be fact, along with the things you thought you knew, and note down the way these things
 
could have progressed.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
''Sarah headed up some pages in a note book, and wondered if she'd ever find out anything to write on the pages after she'd headed them up.
 
Looking at the notes that the councillor had given her, it occured to her that the half brother, who was 14 at the time of her birth,must know of her
 
existance,surely? Where is he now? will he want to know me? On birth mothers page she stated to write down her thoughts. Did she ever marry again? What
 
became of her? who was she married to before she was born? who did she marry after if she did, and in capital letters, WHERE IS SHE NOW?
 
She also headed up a page, my father, although she wasnt sure of his name, the councillor had given her some clues as there was ref to the other child given
 
for a adoption. A page was headed ''My sister'', followed by the words who is SHE now?''
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
having given some though as to what may or may not have happened and to satisfy your curiosty, try and see the place that was given as B/m's address at
 
the time of your birth, especially if you think it was her home.
 
  
 +
Part 1 of the Contact Register is for adopted adults to record their wishes for contact or no contact with birth relatives.
  
 +
Part 2 of the Contact Register is for birth relatives to record their wishes for contact or no contact with the adopted person. To apply, birth relatives must satisfy the General Register Office of their relationship to the adopted person.
  
''Sarah and her husband Joe planned a weekend away as Sarah was born some distance to where she now lived. The children were excited at the thought of a
 
weekend with Granny and off Sarah and Joe went happy in the knowledge that they had time to explore. They travelled and managed to find the house that
 
Birth mother had lived in at the time of her birth.It felt strange to think that her birth mother had walked across that doorstep and along the very road on
 
which they were standing. The house was nothing outstanding, just an ordinary house in an ordinary street. Leaving the car in that very street, Sarah and her
 
husband walked into the town centre, as no doubt her birth mother had done so very many times.''
 
  
 +
'''2. NORCAP:'''  offers adults affected by adoption practical help and support to locate and make contact with relatives lost through adoption. Membership is available through their website.The first year’s subscription includes a registration fee of £50. [http://www.norcap.org.uk/ NORCAP: Supporting Adults Affected by Adoption]
  
Take your note book with you, note down anything youfind, and use the info in it to explore local sources of info, you may not get the chance again
 
  
 +
'''And also:'''
  
 +
'''3.''' The society that arranged your adoption.
  
''They found the local library and went upstairs to the ref section and looked in the electoral rolls, there she was, 1961, Barbara Bowen, 22 West St ,Rosetown.  
+
'''4.''' The Local Authority Adoption Section that arranged your adoption
Who was this? in the same house was an Ellen Keer..who was Ellen Keer? Sarah remebered in her notes , one of the reason given for her adoption, was that
+
<br><br><br><br>
Barbara had been told by her mother that she couldnt keep her baby.Barbara had also said that she had to care for her elderly mother..was this the name of
 
the elderly Grandmother that had so not loved her? Joe and Sarah haulled copy after copy of the electral roll down from the shelves.Sarah went on from 1961
 
and Joe went back,noting that Barbara and Ellen had lived her together for some years. When they got back to 1958 they happened across a George Keer at
 
the same address- who was he? Still plodding back, Joe managed to establish that Barbara had indeed lived here when her seond child was born,along with this
 
George and Ellen Keer. Sarah went forwards and following carefully thru, continued to track the existance of Barbara at that same address, and came across a
 
Michael Bowen that suddenly appeared on the list in 1965, a quick calcualtion in her head reminded sarah that being 14 at the time of her birth, this Michael
 
was her half brother !''
 
  
 +
==Sarah's Story==
  
Dont try and do too much at once.Take your time and stay and stay focused.Take time out to think thru what you have found, and the implications of it.
+
A fictionalised account of an adoptee's search for her birth family.  
  
 +
[[Sarah's Story]]
  
''
+
<br><br>
Joe feels that Sarah is finding things and will become confused if she continues.He suggest they go and have some lunch and some time out. Sarah would
+
==Coping With The Hard Facts==
really just like to stay here and search, but realises both she and Joe are actually quite hungry. Time has flown by! Over lunch they talk about the weather, No
 
of course they dont! They talk about what they have found and what they now know. Sarah starts a new page and writes down the facts that they seem to
 
have established and what ends need tying off for today. After lunch they go back to the library and finish off looking thru the electoral rolls.''
 
  
 +
Once you start searching you must prepare yourself for finding things that you may find unpleasant and well as positive things. Do try and prepare yourself for the worst care scenarios, then it can only be better. Its is possible, despite what you have been led to believe, that you may have been born as a result of rape, incest or that you were in fact a foundling. Maybe you were conceived as result of an extra marital affair or your birth mother was nothing more than a child herself. All these scenarios cause different emotions which should be thought through before proceeding and again, consideration given as to the likely outcome of a reunion with a mother who gave her child for adoption in one of those 'worst case ' scenarios.
  
Take time again to sort your facts, wonder how you feel about them, what to do next and where to go for that info.
+
Put yourself in that birth mother’s shoes and consider again how she might have felt both then and will feel now if you re-enter her world. Maybe it will make your ability to approach her easier or harder, but either way, at least you'll know.
  
 +
Coping with finding a death of a birth parent, if your aim was to meet them, can be desperately hard, and of course, can be discussed with your counsellor. After a long slog, the finding of a death can close a journey so abruptly, so again examine how you'll feel if you happen across this.
 +
<br><br><br><br>
  
''Some days later sarah takes time out, in a quiet moment , to look at the book. She considers what she has found, simply through close examination of the
+
==Although It's My Search, Who Else Does It Affect?==
electoral Roll.The names, what they mean, who was who and why.
 
1956-Barbara at 22 west St, also George Keer & Ellen Keer
 
1958- Barbara still there, likewise Ellen, but George is gone
 
1959- 1964 Ellen & Barbara remain there
 
1965 Ellen disappears, still Barbara remains
 
1967- Michael appears with Barbara
 
1969 Barbara remains, Michael is still there, Simon appears < who is Simon?  
 
1971 they all have gone, new names at that address.
 
What a lot to take in.''
 
  
 +
As has been said, it is the adoptee's search and no one else's, although other people are involved to various degrees. Their thoughts and feelings may play a part in this search; in the way you go about things and to whom you can feel comfortable talking to about it.
  
next step is Checking that the facts you have found are correct, before moving on and forming asumptions- check now rather than come unstuck later.
 
  
 +
*'''Yourself.''' Explore what you really feel before you embark upon the search. Are you ready? If not, don't start! Don’t ever feel pressured by anyone else that it is something you have to do, you don’t have to if you don’t want to!
  
  
''Sarah got herself some credit on an internet website and started to hunt around the dates where things changed, in the births deaths and marriage
+
*'''Your Husband/wife/partner.''' It is a good idea to have a spouse/partner with you in spirit. Whilst undergoing your search there will be days, weeks even, when you feel elation or despair which will be hard to disguise or your feelings may manifest themselves as anger or jubilation, and it is far better to be in a position to share with those that love you, than to have to try to cover it up. A partner may not understand why you need to know, they don’t have to, and although it might make things more difficult emotionally, it is still considered better when they are aware that you are doing it.  
sections.She knew that in 1958 George Keer had ceaced to appear on the electoral roll at 22 West st.Yes, there in the death index was his death, She noted
 
the ref numbers in readiness to order the certificate. Looking again for death, Yes there in 1965 is the death Of Ellen. She looked and looked for the births of
 
Michael and Simon, and still drew blanks in the right. She did spot that there were a couple of births up North in the right names, with the maiden name
 
Keer, so again noted the refs. 'Cripes, this is going to be expensive'' she though! But to know that she had found half siblings she knew it was something she
 
had to do.''
 
  
Focusing your search and trying to keep costs down
 
  
''
+
*'''Your children.''' Are your children of an age to understand the concept that you are exploring? Will it confuse them as to who you are, or indeed who they are? Will it confuse them as to their loyalties if and when your search comes to fruition, as to who is who, and where they stand with whom? If you have any doubts that they will not understand the concept, keep it until they do.  
Sarah went on looking though the births death and marriage registers with a fine toothcomb, day after day, wondering and thinking that she was going to  
 
stumble across the death of her birth mother.No.What she did happen across was a marriage in the area.Right name, but in 1970, not 1971.She notes the ref
 
for the bride and cross refs it with a name for the groom. Sarah shows her list to Joe, although he is behind her research every step of the way, he suggests getting the marriage cert first, and letting to others wait a bit - George and Ellen are dead, nothing will change that.''
 
  
  
Send for what you can when you can, going first for the items that will add something to your search in terms of progress, rather than just confirmation of
+
*'''Your Adoptive parents.''' This is always a difficult one, and depends on how open you feel your parents were with you about your adoption. People that have had a chance to talk with their adoptive parents freely and openly over the years about the fact that they were adopted may find it easier than those for whom it was a closed subject, or indeed kept a complete secret and the adoptee has discovered rather than having been told.  
fact at this stage.
 
  
  
 +
If you feel you can tell your adoptive parents, it is probably better that they know. They love you and maybe able to fill in some more blanks that will help you on your way. They after all may know facts that they haven’t told you, quite simply because you haven't felt the need to ask up until now.
  
''Sarah sends for the marriage cert that she is sure is her birth mother and waits for it to arrive. It seems like forever and she so wants to send for more,
 
especially the birth certs for Simon and Michael, funds just dont permit right now, so they'll have to wait.Sarah is anxious to know about the child her birth
 
mother gave for adoption before she was born, again she looks through the birth registers, not really sure what she is looking for. She finds a girl born about
 
the right time, Mothers name match and so does that maiden name.Joe agrees that she should send for this cert now!''
 
  
 +
Adoptive parents are not a naive as we are given to believe. There are few that do not realise that this search is something their adopted child may one day want to embark upon. They may have reservations, or feel a little put out, and if so then the quieter and calmer you are about it, the better.
  
Prepare yourself for every eventuality when waiting for certificates, and other records to arrive.
 
  
 +
*'''Your birth family.''' Of course your search may have implications for them. The circumstances surrounding your birth maybe be completely in the open and common knowledge amongst subsequent husbands, partners or siblings, but of course it may not. It cannot be stressed enough, that a birth mother’s 'here and now' must be given consideration irrespective of an adoptee's needs and wants however hard that is for the adoptee. The adoptee that tries to breezes back into a birth mother’s life is likely to get a less favourable reception than one who has tactfully and quietly made an advance and respected the birth mother’s feelings and has proved by their actions that they can be discreet and diplomatic.
 +
<br><br>
  
''Sarah waited for what seemed like an age, until the day the marriage cert landed on her doormat.for a while she couldnt open it.What if it was wrong, what if
+
==Sources To Aid in The Search For a Birth Parent==
it was right? Finally she did open it, and saw her birth mothers name.Barbara Bowen Nee Keer and the name of her groom, Anthony Russell, fathers name matched and the address given for the bride - 22 West St. Sarah was elated, she'd actually found documentary evidence for herself!''
 
  
Never be afraid to get back to your councillor.he/she will always be glad to hear from you as to how things are going, and for any advice or support you need.
+
*The '''Register of Electors''' will soon become familiar to you, and will no doubt be searched on countless occasions. These are available only in the locality to which they are relevant. They can only be searched by address - the address at which a birth parent lived when you were born is a good start point.
  
 +
*'''Births, Deaths and Marriages''' indexes. Hours spent closely examining birth death and marriage registers will soon become a time consuming interest. Record your findings and note where and when you have looked. Make notes and record every possibility just in case.
  
''Sarah decided, being so pleased with herself she'd ring her councillor. She told her of how she'd got on and that she'd now got a marriage cert and her
+
*'''Telephone directories/on line directories'''. Make a list of all the occurrences of the right name, and cross reference them with the electoral roll. Probably the last thing you would ever do is to actually telephone someone you thought to be a birth parent, but using a telephone directory to gather name occurrences is a good idea.
councellor was pleased for her. Not being able to see the wood for the trees the councillor was able to put Sarah back on the right track as to where to look
 
next, which Sarah hadnt really realised.She had an address for the groom at the time of marriage so it was back to the electoral rolls to hunt him out!''
 
  
There are times when you need to back track and look at sources you thought you'd looked at an finished with
+
*'''[http://www.myfolks.org.uk/ My Folks Website]''' A site to search and place messages to find family and friends in the UK. They'll not only help and advise you in your search, they'll laugh and cry with you too. They do make a charge for their services (although not just for talking and advising), which can be quite costly - this can amount to around £200.
  
''Sarah was eager to get back to Rosetown to once again scour the electoral registers. How lucky was she that her birth mother had re-married in the same
+
<br><br>
town? ''Very'' she thought.Sarah realised that the address for address for Anthony Russell was in fact in the next town to Rosetown. She rang the Libriary to check, and was delighted to find they were held in the same place as those for Rosetown.Off she and Joe went again hoping tha she might strike gold again. And they did... There in black and white was Anthony Russell , at the address he gave on the marriage cert, for 4 years before the marriage, Not only that, but Sarah was lost for the right words when , at the same adress , from the year of the marriage , there was a Mrs Barbara Russell. She carefully followed through subsequent years- Anthony disappeared early in the 1990's but Barbara remained there until the current electoral role - Sarah realised at that point just how near she was to finding her birth mother. having come this far, she was terrified''
 
  
 +
==What Are The Costs Involved in Searching?==
  
When making that initial approach, try and allow the councellor to approach for you, they know they way, the right words and have a greater chance of
+
In working out what costs will be incurred, one needs to think further than simply financial costs. Other things to consider are time, energy and emotional cost as well as monetary.
success.
 
  
 +
Time will have to be put aside for counselling session(s) as well as for travel to register offices and maybe even to the GRO. Research can be very time consuming, and when a critical point it reached can be 'life encompassing' and needs to be strictly disciplined so that it does not become your whole life. Never forget that your family needs you now! Do you have that time without making too many sacrifices?
  
''
+
Searching through Birth, Death and Marriage records costs little, if anything. What needs to be thought out is how to pay for the inevitable certificates that will be required and expenses such as travel. A telephone is a useful asset, and a very draining resource - if every last penny you can muster goes into research, something or someone is bound to suffer. Set yourself a budget and try and stick to it.
Full of fear and yet elation, the very next day Sarah rang her councillor. What ever should she do? She felt so near, having found out that her birth mother
+
<br><br>
was within reach as it were and yet she was scared to take that final step.Was it what she really wanted? Did she want to step back over that line, with all
 
the fears of rejection utmost in her mind? After all, her birth mother hadn't wanted her then, she might not want her now. The councillor actually said very
 
little, she just listened.She asked sarah what she wanted to do, it was her decision, and if she so chose , she could do nothing. Sarah decided she'd take
 
some time to think and decide what she'd do now. Could she willingly set herself up for a painfull fall? was it really woth it? She had a Mum and dad that loved
 
her, what more did she want?''
 
 
 
 
 
Take time to assess what you really want - If your finding out about a birth parent is all you want, dont feel you have to meet them, and certainly dont push
 
yourself in to doing something you feel you ought to do, rather than want to do.
 
 
 
 
 
''Sarah, after much thought , decided that she wished to try and make contact with her birth mother.But How? She sat with endless pieces of note paper and
 
began to try and write a letter. How on earth should she start? ''Dear Mum'' wasn't right, ''Dear Birth Mother'' That sounded so odd. ''Dear Barbara'' ? Maybe...
 
Dear Mrs Russell? No, nothing sounded right.She decided to leave the heading for now, and just write the letter.. again and again she screwed up pieces of paper, just not getting it right. Just what should she put? I am your daughter? I was your daughter? I am Sarah? I am Jeanette? I was Jeanette?? heaven only knows which was right!''
 
 
 
 
 
If you are still unsure, take advantage of the exprience of your councillor - remember they are not as emotionally attached as you and maybe able to make a
 
better approach as a professional than you can.You may only get one go at an approach, get it wrong and you cant undo it.
 
 
 
 
 
''Sarah got in touch with her councellor again. The Councellor asked her to come to the office with the info she had gathered.Sarah was morethan happy to do
 
this - she hoped the councellor would be able to tell her what to do! In she went and went through the info, telling the councellor some of her thoughts and
 
feelings as she did so. Given the time and expemse sarah had incurred, the councillor was of the opnion in her own mind, that Sarah probably did want to try
 
and meet her birth mother if it was possible, or certainly open some kind of communication. She offered to write a letter on Sarahs behalf to her birth mother,
 
which Sarah thought was an excellent idea.Sarahs only hesitation was exactly what the coucillor would actually put in that letter. ''No problem'' said the
 
councellor,''I'll write it and run it past you first''. Sarah left the councellors office feeling much better.She felt that someone else really understood her hesitation and inability to write the unwritable letter for fear of saying the wrong thing.
 
A couple of days later, the councellor did ring, and read out the proposed letter, Sarah listened ...and cried. It was absolutley right in what it said, and Sarah
 
agreed that the councellor should send it on its way, that very day.''
 
 
 
 
 
Remember, patience is a virtue! It has taken maybe many month to get together all your info, you have had time to think out your thoughts.
 
One day this letter drops on birth Mothers doormat, please allow her time to thik what she wants too- very few reply the next day, after all, its not an easy time for them either.What ever they put in the reply to you has the potential to turn their whole world upside down.
 
 
 
 
 
''Sarah waited, sometimes patiently, others days quite annoyed, because Barbara didnt reply. ''How long does it take for someone to answer a letter?'', she
 
thought.''
 
 
 
 
 
irrespective of what reply Sarah got from that letter, we'll leave her there for the time being.
 
 
 
==What are the costs involved in searching?==
 
 
 
In working out what costs will be incurred, one needs to think further than simply financial costs. Other things to consider are time, energy and emotional cost as well as monitary.
 
 
 
Time will have to be put aside for counselling session(s) as well as for travel to register offices and maybe even to the GRO.Research can be very time consuming, and when a critical point it reached can be 'life encompassing' and needs to be strictly disciplined so that it does not become your whole life. Never forget that your family needs you now! Do you have that time without making too many sacrifices?
 
 
 
Seaching through Birth death and marriage records cost little, if anything. What needs to be thought out is how to pay for the inevtiable cerificates that will be required and expenses such as travel. A telephone is a useful asset , and a very draining resource - if every last penny you can muster goes into research something or someone is bound to suffer. Set yourself a budget and try and stick to it .
 
 
 
==Source to aid in the search for a birth parent==
 
 
 
 
 
The Register of electors will soon become familiar to you, and will no doubt be searched on countless occasions.These are availible only in the locality to which
 
 
 
they are relevant. They can only be searched by address - the addrss at which a birth parent lived when you were born is a good start point.
 
 
 
Birth deaths and marriages index Hours spent closely examining birth death and marriage registers will soon become a time consuming interest.Record your
 
 
 
findings and note where and when you have looked.Make notes and record every possibility just in case.
 
 
 
==Telephone directories/on line directories==
 
 
 
 
 
Make a list of all the occurances of the right name, and cross ref them with the electoral roll.Probably the last thing you'd ever do is actually telephone
 
 
 
someone you thought to be a birth parent, but using a telephone directory to gather name occurances is a good idea.
 
 
 
 
 
==How do you know if you are adopted?==
 
 
 
In recent times, given the changes in adoption law and current thinking, that it is better that a child know they are adopted, than for them to 'find out' by
 
 
 
some means. Many, although not all, of todays adoptees maintain contact with their birth parents, although this is relatively new thinking.
 
 
 
Many people will no doubt go through life never even knowing they were adopted, No one has ever told them and they have never had a situation arise in
 
 
 
which they have queried their parentage- its a small minority though.
 
 
 
Most will know, because their parents have told them, maybe just once and never spoke of it again, but nevertheless, have told them.
 
 
 
Other parents will be open and honest and expain to the child what being adopted means, maybe starting at an early age, before the child even understands
 
 
 
the complex meaning of what they are being told.
 
 
 
[IMG][/IMG]
 
 
 
There is no rule, No-one has to tell their child they are adopted ( although the child may not thank them should they ever discover!) and there is nothing to
 
 
 
say that a child shouldn't be told, for whatever reason. A parents ability to talk about their Childs adoption no way reflects on their love for the child - some
 
 
 
can talk openly and honestly about adoption, like many other things, others Just not as confident.
 
 
 
Maybe a good time to note...
 
 
 
When telling a child about their pre-adoption situation, many Parents may not tell the whole truth. That is not to say they set out to lie or decieve, but simply,
 
 
 
that as parents its their job to protect and care for you and your feelings. No parent want their child to hurt, so maybe will not tell of things that they think
 
 
 
will hurt or cause you distress. Dont think any the less of them for this - its because they love you.
 
 
 
==Tracing Birth relatives- sources==
 
 
 
Whatever form of trying to trace your birth family you choose to use, its a good idea to register your 'desire to know' in the appropriate place ie places where
 
 
 
Birth families might also look for you.
 
 
 
There are various places that can help you by registering your interest, the GRO adoption contact register possibly being the best.
 
 
 
This is a two part system,part A for the adoptee to register their interest, and part B for a birth family to register theirs.
 
 
 
[http://www.gro.gov.uk/gro/content/adoptions/adoptedchildrenregister/index.asp Adopted children register]
 
 
 
Created in 1991, the Adoption Contact Register exists to put adopted people and their birth relatives in touch with each other if that is what they both wish.
 
 
 
The Contact Register cannot help an adopted person to learn of the whereabouts of a birth relative or to know their birth relative’s wishes unless the relative
 
 
 
has also chosen to be entered on the Contact Register.
 
 
 
From 30 December 2005 applicants can record a wish for specific or no contact with a named individual.
 
 
 
The Adoption Contact Register is in two parts and there is a one-off registration fee per entry of £15 for Part 1 and £30 for Part 2.
 
 
 
Part 1 of the Contact Register is for adopted adults to record their wishes for contact or no contact with birth relatives. .
 
 
 
Part 2 of the Contact Register is for birth relatives to record their wishes for contact or no contact with the adopted person. To apply birth relatives must
 
 
 
satisfy the General Register Office of their relationship to the adopted person.
 
 
 
'''NORCAP''' offers adults affected by adoption practical help and support to locate and make contact with relatives lost through adoption.
 
 
 
Membership is available through their website: [http://www.norcap.org.uk/ NORCAP:Supporting Adults Affected by Adoption]
 
 
 
first year subscription including a registration fee of £50
 
 
 
 
 
[http://www.myfolks.co.uk/ My Folks Website]
 
 
 
A site to search and place messages
 
 
 
to find family and friends in the UK
 
 
 
Debby and Joan joined hands to create this website and offer you our combined abilities to assist and help complete your search. We offer an intermediary
 
 
 
service and provide 100% support throughout. You can rest in the knowledge you are in the safe hands of two successful and experienced researchers.
 
 
 
Joan and Debbie offer a telephone service too -
 
 
 
Joan -Tel:              01454 615031        up to midnight.
 
 
 
Debby - Tel:              0870 991 3769        Evenings/weekends
 
 
 
They'll not only help and advise you in your search, they'll laugh and cry with you too.
 
 
 
they do make a charge for their services ( although not just for talking and advising), which can be quite costly , Joan advises that this can amount to
 
 
 
around £200
 
  
 
==Some Useful Addresses==
 
==Some Useful Addresses==
  
Office of National Statistics (ONS)
+
'''Office of National Statistics (ONS)'''
 
 
Adopted Children Register (and/or) Adoption Contact Register
 
 
 
Smedley Hydro
 
 
 
Trafalgar Road
 
 
 
Southport
 
  
Merseyside
+
:Adopted Children Register (and/or) Adoption Contact Register
 +
:Smedley Hydro
 +
:Trafalgar Road
 +
:Southport
 +
:Merseyside
 +
:PR8 2HH
 +
:Tel: (0151) 471 4313   
  
PR8 2HH
 
  
Tel:01514 714 313   
+
*[http://www.baaf.org.uk/ British Association for Adoption & Fostering]
 
    
 
    
  
The General Register Office (Northern Ireland)
+
*[http://www.n-p-n.co.uk/about_us.htm Natural Parents Network]
 
 
Oxford House
 
  
49-55 Chichester Street
 
  
Belfast
+
*[http://www.adoptionsearchreunion.org.uk/default.htm Adoption Search and Reunion]
  
BY1 4HL
 
  
 +
'''Adoption UK'''
 +
:46 The Green
 +
:South Bar Street
 +
:Banbury
 +
:Oxon
 +
:OX16 9AB
 +
:Tel: (01295) 752240 (9am – 5pm)
 +
:Fax: (01295) 752241
 +
:Helpline: 0844 848 7900 (10am – 4pm)
 +
:Website: [http://www.adoptionuk.org/ Adoption UK]
 +
:Email: admin@adoptionuk.org.uk.
  
  
The General Register Office (Republic of Ireland)
+
'''The General Register Office (Northern Ireland)'''
 +
:Oxford House
 +
:49-55 Chichester Street
 +
:Belfast
 +
:BY1 4HL
  
8 - 11 Lombard Street
 
  
Dublin 2
+
'''The General Register Office (Republic of Ireland)'''
 +
:8 - 11 Lombard Street
 +
:Dublin 2
  
  
 +
'''The General Register Office (Scotland)'''
 +
:Adoption Unit
 +
:New Register House
 +
:Edinburgh
 +
:EH1 3YT
  
  
The General Register Office (Scotland)
+
'''National Organisation for the Counselling of Adoptees and Parents (Norcap)'''
 +
:112 Church Road
 +
:Wheatley
 +
:Oxfordshire
 +
:OX33 1LU
 +
:Tel: (01865) 875 000     
 +
:Website [http://www.norcap.org.uk/ Norcap]
  
Adoption Unit
 
  
New Register House
+
'''After Adoption'''
 +
:12-14 Chapel Street
 +
:Manchester
 +
:M3 7NN
 +
:Tel: (0161) 839 4930
 +
:Website: [http://www.afteradoption.org.uk/ After Adoption]
  
Edinburgh
 
  
EH1 3YT
+
'''Post Adoption Centre'''
 +
:8 Torriano Mews
 +
:Torriano Avenue
 +
:London
 +
:NW5 2RZ
 +
:Tel: (020) 7284 0555
 +
:Website: [http://www.postadoptioncentre.org.uk/ Post Adoption Centre]
  
  
 +
'''Public Search Rooms - Family Record Office'''
 +
:1 Myddleton Street
 +
:London
 +
:EC1 1UW
 +
:Tel: (01704) 569 824
  
  
National Organisation for the Counselling of Adoptees and Parents (Norcap)
+
'''Barnardo's'''
 +
:Tanners Lane
 +
:Barkingside
 +
:Ilford
 +
:Essex
 +
:IG6 1QG
 +
:Tel: (020) 8550 8822
 +
:Fax: (020) 8551 6870
 +
:Website [http://www.barnardos.org.uk/who_we_are/history/barnardos_homes.htm Thomas Barnardo's Orphanges and Homes - A Directory ]
  
112 Church Road
 
  
Wheatley
+
'''Birthlink'''
 +
:21 Castle Street
 +
:Edinburgh
 +
:EH2 3DN
 +
:Scotland
 +
:United Kingdom
 +
:Tel: (0131) 225 6441
 +
:Website: [http://www.birthlink.org.uk/ Birthlink]
  
Oxfordshire
+
==Additional Links==
 +
*[http://www.adoptionsearchreunion.org.uk/default.htm Adoption Search Reunion] Site for Locating Where Records Might Be Held Now.
  
OX33 1LU
+
*[http://www.iwasadopted.com/?gclid=CMrDksy_25ICFQOE1Aod1B-e_g I Was Adopted dot com] Global Adoption Reunion Site
  
Tel:01865 875 000     
+
*[http://www.everychildmatters.gov.uk/adoption/ Every Child Matters] Information on Adoption for Practitioners Working with Children and Families.
  
 +
*[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adoption Wikipedia Adoption Page]
  
 +
*[http://www.adoptionuk.org/ Adoption UK]
  
Post Adoption Centre
+
*[http://www.baaf.org.uk/info/lpp/adoption/scotland.shtml Adoption in Scotland]
 
 
8 Torriano Mews
 
 
 
Torriano Avenue
 
 
 
London
 
 
 
NW5 2RZ
 
 
 
Tel:020 7284 0555   
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  
Public Search Rooms
+
*[http://www.gro-scotland.gov.uk/regscot/adoption.html Infomation From Adoption Unit at New Register House, (The GRO for Scotland)]
  
Family Record Office
+
*[http://www.uk-legislation.hmso.gov.uk/legislation/scotland/acts2007/asp_20070004_en_1 Adoption and Children (Scotland) Act 2007]
  
1 Myddleton Street
+
*[http://www.birthlink.org.uk/ Birthlink] A Charity Offering a Range of Services to People Separated by Adoption with a Scottish Connection.
  
London
+
*[http://www.uktrackers.co.uk/ti_news.htm Trackers International]
 +
<br><br>
  
EC1 1UW
+
==A-Z of County/Local Council Contacts==
  
Tel:01704 569 824 
+
[[Adoption County/Local Council Contacts - A to M]]
  
 +
[[Adoption County/Local Council Contacts - N to Z]]
  
 +
== Adoption from Abroad==
  
==Area /Organisation specific contact points==
+
Naturally, each country has its own rules and regulations concerning adoption, a mine field far too big to be covered here.
  
 +
An overview of some of the rules, regulations and requirements can be understood by referring to [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_adoption#Process_overview Wikipedia Adoption From Abroad ]
  
waiting on info
+
*[http://www.germanbirthregister.com/index_en.php Site Dedicated to Reuniting German Born Adoptees ]
  
  
 +
==Searching For An Adoptee==
  
 +
Different Rules and acts of parliament apply, depending on when an adoption took place, and which agency was involved. The rights and procedures for a birth relative to follow are best explained here [http://www.n-p-n.co.uk/birthparents_rights.htm Birth Parents Rights]
  
==Birth parents/siblings - searching for those they gave for adoption==
 
  
 +
==Further reading==
  
still to do.....
+
*[http://darkwing.uoregon.edu/~adoption/index.html The Adoption History Project] - USA based but interesting reading.  
  
 +
*[http://www.dil.aber.ac.uk/dils/Research/RFocus9/staf_rrf.htm Famous & Remarkable Adoptees, Foster Children and Others: a Biographical Directory]
  
  
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Latest revision as of 07:02, 12 September 2022



History of The Act of Formal Adoption and The Law

Before 1976

Adoption was put on a formal footing in 1926, following the publication of the Adoption of Children Act.

Prior to this, adoptions were arranged by adoption societies and between private individuals. Some societies, one being the Church of England Children's Society, maintain records of adoptions that they arranged. Boards of Guardians also prepared reports but very few remain.

When the act was drafted it was assumed that the adopted person’s break with the birth family would be total and it was believed that the adopted person would never be able to trace their birth roots.

From 1927 adoptions had to be approved by magistrates meeting in a Petty Sessions Court and each court maintained a register. These registers are closed to public inspection for 75 years.


The registers contain:

  • The date, name of the child to be adopted, & the date of birth.
  • The name and address of the birth mother (and sometimes the father).
  • The name and address of the adoptive parents, and sometimes the name of the person acting as Guardian ad Litem, and the decision of the court.

The clerk to the Petty Sessions Court kept a file on each adoption and many have been destroyed. Some may be deposited at the NRO, but are not open to public inspection.


Later, local authorities were given authority to supervise adoptions and children's officers were appointed. These were sometimes attached to the Education Department (before the creation of Social Services departments in 1971), who again kept a register of all the cases with which they were involved. The registers are dated 1927-1945 and are a useful indication as to whether there are papers relating to the adoption in the Children's Officer's files. If the register indicates that the County Council acted as Guardian ad Litem, there should be relevant papers.

Children's Officer's files can be disappointing but should contain forms signed by the birth mother relinquishing her rights to the child. Sometimes there is correspondence from the local clergy as to the suitability of the prospective parents. Sometimes there will be a note about the birth mother and her circumstances and in some cases notes about the father too.

Registers of all adoptions are kept at the General Register Office and indexes to them can be accessed BUT only the adoptee is allowed access to the information that links the birth name with the adopted one.

Adoption Act 1976

The Adoption Act which came into being in 1976, changed things slightly. This made provision for people adopted after 11th November 1975 to have the right to access their birth records once they reached 18 years of age ( 16 in Scotland). It gave people adopted before that date the same right, but with the proviso that they must seek counselling first. The NRO will NOT release records to anyone without the appropriate official paperwork to say that this has been done.


Adoption and Children Act 2002

The Adoption and Children Act 2002, which came into force on 30 December 2005, brings the law on adoption up to date and puts the needs of the child above everything else. The changes in the law should improve the adoption service and help more people consider adoption.



What is Adoption?

Adoption is a way of providing a new family for a child when living with their own family is not possible. It is the means of giving a child an opportunity to start again.

An adoption order may not be made in relation to a person who has attained the age of 19 years. Should the child be married or has been married they cannot be adopted.

An Adoption Order severs all legal ties with the birth family and confers parental rights and responsibilities on the new adoptive family. The birth parents no longer have any legal rights over the child and they are not entitled to claim them back. The child becomes a full member of the family; they take the adoptive parents’ surname and assume the same rights and privileges as if they had been born to them, including the right of inheritance.

All adoption orders must be granted by the High Courts, County Courts or Juvenile Courts. They issue a directive to the Registrar General to make an entry in the adopted children’s register, according to the particulars of the adopted child and adoptive parents.



How Do You Know if You Are Adopted?

In recent times, given the changes in adoption law and current thinking, it is thought better that a child know they are adopted, than for them to 'find out' by some other means. Many, although not all, of today's adoptees maintain contact with their birth parents, although this is relatively new thinking.

Many people will no doubt go through life never even knowing they were adopted, No one has ever told them and they have never had a situation arise in which they have queried their parentage- it is a small minority though.

Most will know because their parents have told them, maybe just once and never spoke of it again, but nevertheless have told them.

Other parents will be open and honest and explain to the child what being adopted means, maybe starting at an early age, before the child even understands the complex meaning of what they are being told.

There is no rule. No-one has to tell their child they are adopted (although the child may not thank them should they ever discover!) and there is nothing to say that a child shouldn't be told, for whatever reason. A parent's ability to talk about their child's adoption in no way reflects on their love for the child - some can talk openly and honestly about adoption like many other things, others are just not as confident.

Maybe a good thing to note... When telling a child about their pre-adoption situation, many parents may not tell the whole truth. That is not to say they set out to lie or deceive, but simply that as parents, it is their job to protect and care for you and your feelings. No parent wants their child to be hurt, so maybe will not tell of things that they think will hurt or cause them distress. Don’t think any the less of them for this – it is because they love you.



Whose Search Is It?

It is the adoptee’s search, no one else’s and should be carried out at their pace.

Any adoptee that chooses to search needs to do so for themselves and with very good reason.

All sorts of things may be uncovered along the way that will raise emotional issues and thoughts. As each occurs they need to be thought through, and their implications on everyone, not just the adoptee, need close examination. What a well meaning friend thinks about something maybe completely different as to what you think. Gather opinion by all means, but ultimately regardless of what anyone else thinks, it is the adoptee’s feelings that matter most.


Two possible Scenarios (of hundreds!): You have your birth name, and your birth parents’ names on your original birth certificate and have started basic factual research. You find evidence to suggest that your birth mother went on and married.


  • Scenario One:

She married a man two years after you were born, and had children who consequently are your half siblings


  • Scenario Two:

She went on to marry your birth father two years after you were born and had children that are consequently your full siblings.


How does that make you feel? Scenario One evokes different feelings to Scenario Two. This needs to be thought through and will have implications on what you may or may not choose to do next, or even ever.



Where to start?

First Step

In order to start your search it is necessary to obtain a copy of your full original birth certificate.

  • If you know your birth name. Sending for an original birth cert is no more difficult than sending for any other certificate from the GRO. The cost is £11.00, and should be applied for using a GRO Reference Number. Should you be unable to look it up for yourself, be assured that there is nothing in the GRO index that indicates the person is adopted.


  • If you don’t know your birth name You will need to apply to the Registrar General for the information. If you were adopted before 12.11.1975 you are required to meet with an adoption counsellor prior to being given this information.


Counselling is arranged through the Office for National Statistics, or through local social services post adoption service. You should write to that office and they will send you an application form and information leaflets which should be carefully read and followed.

Counselling will be arranged at a time convenient to you, and at a location of your choosing, and will not happen overnight. Adoption records take time to source and post-adoption counselling is only a small part of what today’s adoption teams do.

If you know your birth name, it is still highly beneficial to have a session or even two with a post adoption counsellor. They don’t bite and have a wealth of knowledge and experience and will not be shocked by anything they hear, nor judge how you feel. They are there to hold your hand, let them hold it.

Could a friend do the job as well as a counsellor?

You may think so, but no, a friend can listen, and up to a point understand, but what they cannot do is feel impartial. You can pretty much say anything to a counsellor and they will understand, and have probably heard it before anyway. That counsellor will always be there for you, and far better, if you get to the point of contacting a birth parent, that they make that approach, than a well meaning friend.

Second Step

Write down everything you have been told about your birth and circumstances surrounding it.

If you have accessed your file through a counselling session, then you will have information that you can note down. If you haven't, maybe it is time to get that counselling arranged. An adoption file can contain a wealth of information or very little but it is all facts with which you can work. Ask for copies of documents to take away with you. You can re-read at your leisure, and take in facts that may have passed you by at the session.

It must be noted that not all files contain the absolute truth. What is recorded is what the agency or social worker involved was told at the time by the parties involved.

In the case of privately arranged adoptions, information maybe hard to find, although the local authority that covers the area of the court that made the adoption order should have records, if only brief. At the very least they will have overseen your welfare supervision, and may still have the records.

Third Step

Actively register your interest in the places that birth families may have registered their desire to establish contact - if this is what you seek to achieve.

Whatever form of trying to trace your birth family you choose to use, it is a good idea to register your 'desire to know' in the appropriate place i.e. places where birth families might also look for you.

1. There are various places that can help you by registering your interest, the GRO Adoption Contact Register possibly being the best.

Before 1991, the Registrar General operated a non-statutory system of record tagging, a kind of unofficial swap system, so that counsellors could be advised of enquiries made by birth family members about an adopted person, which can then be passed on at a counselling session.

Created in 1991, the Adopted Children Register exists to put adopted people and their birth relatives in touch with each other if that is what they both wish and a relative may have registered.

The Contact Register cannot help an adopted person to learn of the whereabouts of a birth relative or to know their birth relative’s wishes unless the relative has also chosen to be entered on the Contact Register. From 30 December 2005 applicants can record a wish for specific or no contact with a named individual.

The Adoption Contact Register is in two parts and there is a one-off registration fee per entry of £15 for Part 1 and £30 for Part 2.

Part 1 of the Contact Register is for adopted adults to record their wishes for contact or no contact with birth relatives.

Part 2 of the Contact Register is for birth relatives to record their wishes for contact or no contact with the adopted person. To apply, birth relatives must satisfy the General Register Office of their relationship to the adopted person.


2. NORCAP: offers adults affected by adoption practical help and support to locate and make contact with relatives lost through adoption. Membership is available through their website.The first year’s subscription includes a registration fee of £50. NORCAP: Supporting Adults Affected by Adoption


And also:

3. The society that arranged your adoption.

4. The Local Authority Adoption Section that arranged your adoption



Sarah's Story

A fictionalised account of an adoptee's search for her birth family.

Sarah's Story



Coping With The Hard Facts

Once you start searching you must prepare yourself for finding things that you may find unpleasant and well as positive things. Do try and prepare yourself for the worst care scenarios, then it can only be better. Its is possible, despite what you have been led to believe, that you may have been born as a result of rape, incest or that you were in fact a foundling. Maybe you were conceived as result of an extra marital affair or your birth mother was nothing more than a child herself. All these scenarios cause different emotions which should be thought through before proceeding and again, consideration given as to the likely outcome of a reunion with a mother who gave her child for adoption in one of those 'worst case ' scenarios.

Put yourself in that birth mother’s shoes and consider again how she might have felt both then and will feel now if you re-enter her world. Maybe it will make your ability to approach her easier or harder, but either way, at least you'll know.

Coping with finding a death of a birth parent, if your aim was to meet them, can be desperately hard, and of course, can be discussed with your counsellor. After a long slog, the finding of a death can close a journey so abruptly, so again examine how you'll feel if you happen across this.



Although It's My Search, Who Else Does It Affect?

As has been said, it is the adoptee's search and no one else's, although other people are involved to various degrees. Their thoughts and feelings may play a part in this search; in the way you go about things and to whom you can feel comfortable talking to about it.


  • Yourself. Explore what you really feel before you embark upon the search. Are you ready? If not, don't start! Don’t ever feel pressured by anyone else that it is something you have to do, you don’t have to if you don’t want to!


  • Your Husband/wife/partner. It is a good idea to have a spouse/partner with you in spirit. Whilst undergoing your search there will be days, weeks even, when you feel elation or despair which will be hard to disguise or your feelings may manifest themselves as anger or jubilation, and it is far better to be in a position to share with those that love you, than to have to try to cover it up. A partner may not understand why you need to know, they don’t have to, and although it might make things more difficult emotionally, it is still considered better when they are aware that you are doing it.


  • Your children. Are your children of an age to understand the concept that you are exploring? Will it confuse them as to who you are, or indeed who they are? Will it confuse them as to their loyalties if and when your search comes to fruition, as to who is who, and where they stand with whom? If you have any doubts that they will not understand the concept, keep it until they do.


  • Your Adoptive parents. This is always a difficult one, and depends on how open you feel your parents were with you about your adoption. People that have had a chance to talk with their adoptive parents freely and openly over the years about the fact that they were adopted may find it easier than those for whom it was a closed subject, or indeed kept a complete secret and the adoptee has discovered rather than having been told.


If you feel you can tell your adoptive parents, it is probably better that they know. They love you and maybe able to fill in some more blanks that will help you on your way. They after all may know facts that they haven’t told you, quite simply because you haven't felt the need to ask up until now.


Adoptive parents are not a naive as we are given to believe. There are few that do not realise that this search is something their adopted child may one day want to embark upon. They may have reservations, or feel a little put out, and if so then the quieter and calmer you are about it, the better.


  • Your birth family. Of course your search may have implications for them. The circumstances surrounding your birth maybe be completely in the open and common knowledge amongst subsequent husbands, partners or siblings, but of course it may not. It cannot be stressed enough, that a birth mother’s 'here and now' must be given consideration irrespective of an adoptee's needs and wants however hard that is for the adoptee. The adoptee that tries to breezes back into a birth mother’s life is likely to get a less favourable reception than one who has tactfully and quietly made an advance and respected the birth mother’s feelings and has proved by their actions that they can be discreet and diplomatic.



Sources To Aid in The Search For a Birth Parent

  • The Register of Electors will soon become familiar to you, and will no doubt be searched on countless occasions. These are available only in the locality to which they are relevant. They can only be searched by address - the address at which a birth parent lived when you were born is a good start point.
  • Births, Deaths and Marriages indexes. Hours spent closely examining birth death and marriage registers will soon become a time consuming interest. Record your findings and note where and when you have looked. Make notes and record every possibility just in case.
  • Telephone directories/on line directories. Make a list of all the occurrences of the right name, and cross reference them with the electoral roll. Probably the last thing you would ever do is to actually telephone someone you thought to be a birth parent, but using a telephone directory to gather name occurrences is a good idea.
  • My Folks Website A site to search and place messages to find family and friends in the UK. They'll not only help and advise you in your search, they'll laugh and cry with you too. They do make a charge for their services (although not just for talking and advising), which can be quite costly - this can amount to around £200.



What Are The Costs Involved in Searching?

In working out what costs will be incurred, one needs to think further than simply financial costs. Other things to consider are time, energy and emotional cost as well as monetary.

Time will have to be put aside for counselling session(s) as well as for travel to register offices and maybe even to the GRO. Research can be very time consuming, and when a critical point it reached can be 'life encompassing' and needs to be strictly disciplined so that it does not become your whole life. Never forget that your family needs you now! Do you have that time without making too many sacrifices?

Searching through Birth, Death and Marriage records costs little, if anything. What needs to be thought out is how to pay for the inevitable certificates that will be required and expenses such as travel. A telephone is a useful asset, and a very draining resource - if every last penny you can muster goes into research, something or someone is bound to suffer. Set yourself a budget and try and stick to it.

Some Useful Addresses

Office of National Statistics (ONS)

Adopted Children Register (and/or) Adoption Contact Register
Smedley Hydro
Trafalgar Road
Southport
Merseyside
PR8 2HH
Tel: (0151) 471 4313





Adoption UK

46 The Green
South Bar Street
Banbury
Oxon
OX16 9AB
Tel: (01295) 752240 (9am – 5pm)
Fax: (01295) 752241
Helpline: 0844 848 7900 (10am – 4pm)
Website: Adoption UK
Email: admin@adoptionuk.org.uk.


The General Register Office (Northern Ireland)

Oxford House
49-55 Chichester Street
Belfast
BY1 4HL


The General Register Office (Republic of Ireland)

8 - 11 Lombard Street
Dublin 2


The General Register Office (Scotland)

Adoption Unit
New Register House
Edinburgh
EH1 3YT


National Organisation for the Counselling of Adoptees and Parents (Norcap)

112 Church Road
Wheatley
Oxfordshire
OX33 1LU
Tel: (01865) 875 000
Website Norcap


After Adoption

12-14 Chapel Street
Manchester
M3 7NN
Tel: (0161) 839 4930
Website: After Adoption


Post Adoption Centre

8 Torriano Mews
Torriano Avenue
London
NW5 2RZ
Tel: (020) 7284 0555
Website: Post Adoption Centre


Public Search Rooms - Family Record Office

1 Myddleton Street
London
EC1 1UW
Tel: (01704) 569 824


Barnardo's

Tanners Lane
Barkingside
Ilford
Essex
IG6 1QG
Tel: (020) 8550 8822
Fax: (020) 8551 6870
Website Thomas Barnardo's Orphanges and Homes - A Directory


Birthlink

21 Castle Street
Edinburgh
EH2 3DN
Scotland
United Kingdom
Tel: (0131) 225 6441
Website: Birthlink

Additional Links

  • Every Child Matters Information on Adoption for Practitioners Working with Children and Families.
  • Birthlink A Charity Offering a Range of Services to People Separated by Adoption with a Scottish Connection.



A-Z of County/Local Council Contacts

Adoption County/Local Council Contacts - A to M

Adoption County/Local Council Contacts - N to Z

Adoption from Abroad

Naturally, each country has its own rules and regulations concerning adoption, a mine field far too big to be covered here.

An overview of some of the rules, regulations and requirements can be understood by referring to Wikipedia Adoption From Abroad


Searching For An Adoptee

Different Rules and acts of parliament apply, depending on when an adoption took place, and which agency was involved. The rights and procedures for a birth relative to follow are best explained here Birth Parents Rights


Further reading


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